Save the drama for your mama..

Aunt Maz made a really good point when she said "What's the use of having too many close girl friends, cause not everyone can be there for you in times of need.." It's kinda true isn't it? I have lots of girl friends but only two of them stand out the most.. You've got it right, Sally and Belle.. Of course Violet too but she's my cousin and we grew up together, so she's not counted.. Tee hee..

Used to go around during secondary school with a group of girls.. Phoebe, Kat, Belle, Violet, Sally, Mitch, Farrah, Rebbecca.. But when you put a group of girls with totally different personality together, there's bound to be cattiness.. Hey, being a bitch is what a girl do best but some of us are a much bigger slut..

I know when i first came to Yishun Secondary, most girls don't like me.. Hey, it's those stereotypes of new girl kinda stuff but whatever.. I'm not the kind who smile at people even if they're in the same class as me.. I look arrogant cause i don't like to talk or socialize.. No I'm not an outcast or a anti-social, i just don't like to mingle.. I know that Kat, Mitch and Farrah don't like me.. They make it so obvious by being cold towards me and i heard what they said about me, but let's just keep it under wraps.. Kelly and her friends too don't like me but heck, i don't like her either.. As for Sally, i really didn't notice her until Sec 3 when we went to the same class.. Phoebe and Belle was the nicest to me, they were the first ones to talk to me.. Rebbecca, in my malay class.. She's the nice girl who is friendly to everyone..

I can understand why they think i was intruding.. Well you see, i went to the new school during the 2nd semester level.. Sec 1, second semester.. They had like 6 months to mingle and get to know each other, so i guess when i came, they don't like it.. okay, i don't know.. This is the reason why i don't like hanging out with too much Malay girls.. They are full of dramas.. When they got to know me better, i found out that even some people in their own cliques don't like each other..

Of course, Belle and I become close and we're bestfriends ever since.. She confide in me and i confide in her.. When i first came in the school i noticed that the express stream people just hang out with the express stream people, even though they know they hate each other.. It's what society expects them to do.. The higher class with the higher class, the lower class with the lower class.. Violet was my cousin and she's in the normal-acad stream unlike the rest of us so some of the express stream students don't really like my cousin and her friends for that pathetic lame reason.. I don't think i was being deviant by breaking the norm just to hang out with my cousin and her friends since they're so much nicer and accepting than my own classmates.. Truthfully the guys were okay, it's just the girls.. It's just so stupid that they think they own the class just because they have the numbers..

I guess time passed and they decided to accept me and stop treating me like an outsider.. I know that Mitch and Farrah still don't like me.. I guess it's cause i get along with everyone else as I'm much nicer than them..
Mitch and Farrah are like the typical bitches that everyone hates.. Well, that's what i thought in the first place anyway.. After getting to know them, Mitch was actually a nice person and i got to find out from herself that she don't like Farrah.. Whatever, it ain't my problem anyway..

Somehow, Kat, Phoebe, Belle, Violet, Kelly and me become closer, I'm not really sure how cause i know everyone of those girls, including me hates Kelly so much.. Kelly is that whore you have in every cliques where she thinks she's the most prettiest and the most popular amongst the guys when actually she's not.. Yeah, that's her.. She brings drama to the group.. Wherever she goes, drama follows..

She changes bestfriends and boyfriends so much more than she changed her bra.. I guess she likes the attention, maybe she was deprived that as a kid but that's another story..

I don't know, there's just so much drama going on that high school really was a bitch!

Another X-Rated love story..

Here's the thing.. I've been single for so long and i told everyone that I'm not looking for anybody special for now right? Well, let's just say.. I've found, tried and left.. Not serious, just some no-strings attached flings..

Alex just don't seem to wanna leave.. He's been treating me extra nice, without the sex of course, and well, I'm kinda afraid that he'll have real feelings for me.. No, i ain't being thick-skinned but Alyssa told me not to lead him on if i don't really like him, like that kinda like.. I don't know, i do have a teeny tiny crush on him and that's just it.. A crush.. Everybody knows how long my crushes always last.. One day i like guy A, the next day i like guy B.. That's how i am, you know.. I just hope he won't go back on his word cause I'm not looking for a committed relationship right now.. I like having to be close to him without any agenda or feelings involved..

Speaking of relationship, there's this guy who's been waiting for me since like forever.. Yeah, I'm talking about Ryan.. We were together in 2002 for a brief period of time.. After the break-up, we started dating other people and i have to say no one treats me better than he treats me.. He's the best boyfriend ever.. He makes me feel secured and protected.. I did feel insecure that time cause he's hot and me, well I'm far from it.. Whatever though okay.. He's the only guy that makes me feel as if there's nothing to fear in this world.. Unlike my other exes, I'm the one who have to take care of them.. Some are afraid of a cockroach, even I'm not scared of them.. Worse, some are even afraid of a harmless worm.. Like, what the hell!? A worm, they don't even have legs.. They don't even bite!!

Back to Ryan, a few years back, he started talking about US again.. He wanna get back together with me, but as i told every guy i rejected, i told him the same thing.. "I'm not ready yet.."
That's the thing, i keep telling him that I'm not ready but it's one relationship after another.. I have commitment issues.. When a guy show signs of him being ready to settle down, i freaked out and screw everything up.. I don't wanna have to do that to Ryan.. He's the perfect guy.. He's hot, he has all the attributes of MY dream guy, he loves his family, he has a stable job and most importantly, he's financially stable and he's only 22!! I know of people who's in their late 20s and still jobless/job hopping.. PATHETIC! So, i don't see the reason why i can't accept him..

He knows my family background, he knows how i think, he's particularly knows about my tantrums and mood swings.. So far, only 2 people can sooth me when I'm having one of my attitude problem episode.. One is of course me, and the other is him..
He asked me if i still have feelings for him and well i kinda didn't answer him.. "Ryan, i will never not have feelings for you.. You forever will have my heart.."

I talked to Scofield, my love counselor, you know who you are.. Haha, well i call him Scofield cause he's a fan of Prison Break.. An even bigger fan than me!! Really!!

Yah well, Scofield told me to give Ryan one more shot cause the way it sounds, the relationship will work out.. I told him I'm not sure about it and he told me to ask myself WHY.. I told him I've got commitment issues and he kinda told me to think about it and why have i think that way..

Well, my parents fought alot when they were married and i was hardly 13 when they finalize their divorce paper.. I wanna have my own family.. You know, a house with a husband, a child or two but when i think about what my parents go through, I'm afraid that I'll end up just like them.. Ryan is being the nicest gentleman by giving me all the time in the world for me to work out my personal issues.. He offered to help but i said no, cause this is my problem..

I don't know, i like being single and jut mingle around with all the guy friends i have.. Though some of the time, i do miss being with Ryan.. 

You know i don't give a fuck, so here we go..

Haha, after the previous post, i received some messages and text messages from 'overly-concerned friends'.. Anyways, i would like to apologize to those who sent me an sms yesterday but didn't reply.. I  was 'busy'.. Hua hua *evil laugh*

Okay, not really busy but i was with Alex.. I was at his house just chilling and watching X-Men.. I kinda dozed off in the middle of the movie cause i was freaking tired.. I finished school at 1 and it's like 2 hours of boring lectures.. I'm not saying it for the sake of saying it but the last lecture was really boring! The lecturer was horrible, she keeps repeating her words two to three times, she can't even explain properly.. "Oh yah Violet, when you want the dress again? Friday right?? Sorry never reply to your message yesterday.. I'll bring the dress when i go to your house, so wanna borrow my emo-inspired pumps?? Haha"

Well anyway went to Alex house yesterday and no i did not stay overnight or my mom will literally kill me.. She just have this thing about me staying over at guy's house, don't see what the big deal is.. I don't think it's an act of deviance or anything, just a sleepover.. Anyhow, his parents and sister wasn't home so i was a little uncomfortable but he said I'm just being a hard ass.. "It's not the first time anyway," he said. So rude right but he's right.. It wasn't the first time i stepped into his house without anyone home.. Still, it's not nice if his neighbours saw us.. You all know what will happen then, yeap gossips.. I don't know why people have to be so busybody.. They only see other people's faults but their own flaws, they don't see.. Idiots!

I was in his oversize hockey jersey so, i felt extremely cold cause the air-condition was on.. I like wearing big shirts when I'm at home.. So comfortable and so free, haha.. Yeah as i was saying, i fell asleep halfway through the movie.. He keep waking me up but i guess he gave up cause i fall asleep again whenever i wake up.. I think i woke around 5 plus, and i saw Alex sleeping beside me.. So sweet, no wonder i feel the warmth.. Body heat is da bomb! Ha, whatever.. Tried to wake him up but he wouldn't budge.. That's him, and usually i have to shout in his ear to wake him up like fully but yesterday i didn't cause i was being nice.. So i just turn on his comp and just surfing the Internet.. Was damn bored, so i decided to play with the web cam.. His bandmates was online so we kinda webchat.. Surprise surprise, i got hold of his digicam and started camwhoring.. Took pictures of him sleeping, looked just like an angel with that slight pout on his lips.. He's a messy person, and always leave his things lying around.. What do you expect from an emo guy right.. Decided to turn his room
upside right again, and i found some DIRRTY pictures.. No, I'm not gonna tell you people what cause i need to protect the identity of the (not so, haha) innocent.. "Speaking of pictures, Alex my dear, when are you gonna transfer those pictures to the computer.. I want them! Yes, all of them!! Even the, yeah you know what I'm talking about.."

I got bored all over again, well i get bored easily so i need constant entertainment.. It was almost 7 in the evening but he still haven't wake up.. So i kinda jumped on his bed and making lots of noise, thank goodness it worked! Yeah, i don't think i should state what we did after that..

Showered and Alex got hungry so he forced me to cook.. Here's the thing, I've never cooked for anyone before except my family and of course, Ryan.. Other than them, I've never even imagine cooking for anybody else.. Although i didn't want to, i had to cause he said he was super hungry.. Cooked fried rice for him and fry an egg and some chicken fillets.. He's an enormous eater.. I think he has a second stomach somewhere in his super gorgeous body.. Haha.. He keep stuffing me but i don't like fried rice and everybody knows that except him!! Hua hua.. I need to lose some pounds but he keep feeding me.. "Alex, i know you like your girls with meat, chubby girls turn you on but i don't want to gain anymore kilos.." He kinda mourns when i said I'm dieting and trying to lose weight.. Kinda weird cause so far, only Ryan have confessed about his interest in chubby girls and now Alex.. Cool! Atleast they're not like those guys who go for physical attraction..

Alex got worried when i told him my menstruation was late by a week.. Of course it's nothing cause my period is sometimes irregular especially when it comes to the end of the year.. So i told him there's nothing to worry about.. I still don't see why he's so scared.. "Hua, next time no more unprotected sex.. Ha, whatever.."

You've made the wrong decision and it's easy to see..

I'm in school in the Free Access Lab, alone waiting for my friend and Sociology class which starts at 4pm and ends at 6pm.. Well I'm not technically alone cause there's other people in the lab using the Internet either for  project or just to pass the time but I'm the only one who's by myself and not in a group or with someone.. Whatever, the two Indian girls behind me are being so stupidly noisy.. I rather listen to the sound of people typing on the keyboard than them talking.. No, it's not a racist comment so don't have any idea on suing me just because i speak my mind.. Stupid..

Actually, I've been thinking.. Why must people care so much about what other people write in their blog? I mean, why the suing and stuff.. It's OUR blog and it's OUR freaking business what we wanna write in it.. It's stupid to limit the topics on what we wanna write about in OUR own blog.. I mean, so what if someone made a racist comment or even a rude remark.. I thought the government always educates self-expression but when we DO express ourselves and when we DO say things that are actually on our mind, we get sued?? What's the deal dude?! I cannot stress enough how much of a make-over Singaporean need to have.. No, not in terms of how they dress or how they look, but instead on how they think.. Don't you people agree with me? Well, maybe it's just me..

I'm someone who likes to speak what's on my mind.. Truthfully, i usually say things that only affects me and i don't always think about other people's feelings.. I'm sure lots of people are like that, but usually most of them are so desperate to be accepted by their peers or want to be liked by everyone, they tend to 'sugar-coat' their words.. It's stupid.. Just say how you feel, damn it! Why must you care about how other people think or feel when they don't even give a hoot about you.. Yeah yeah, my parents do and so does some close friends.. I admit that they really truly care but you gotta live life the way YOU want it and not how OTHER PEOPLE want you to.. I don't consider myself a rebel but sometimes, you need to take care of somethings your own way..

Well anyway, my purpose in updating my blog is not about what i just wrote.. Haha, it's cool how one thing can be led to another.. Just like gossips.. Well, I'm not gonna get into that or i won't finish my purpose of writing this stupid post..

I just finished a talk or a lecture on 'Love'.. Jeesh.. 'How to find LOVE in all the RIGHT places'.. About BGR and stuffs and it actually got me thinking, not that i don't think that is..  It's hard finding the right guy or girl, isn't it? What is the difference between a date and a relationship? "You can get out of a date but when you're in a relationship it's harder to leave", someone in the auditorium said.. But izzit actually true? Why izzit that often it's the guys that find it much easier to get out of a relationship while the girl will brood over it for some time, though we do get over it.. Haha, I'm not gonna pretend as if I'm an expert and start analyzing cause honestly, i don't know..

It got me thinking about something else too though.. Does having physical intimacy means you're actually in love with that person? To me, not really.. You can have sex but bear no feelings for that person.. This is what i find out, when you're in a committed relationship, your body propels straight to the 'lust' part.. I guess this is when the guy start asking for favours by using the 'love' word.. "Seriously guys, don't get LOVE involve in this cause you and i both know that it's not about love.. It's all about fulfilling your selfish desires.."
You see, some guys plead and beg for that intimate relationship with their partner.. Usually they'll get terribly upset when the girls say no! I think it's effing stupid that some guys even cheat just because the girls wouldn't have sex with them.. To me, if the guy don't understand the word 'NO' then we might just as well let the relationship end.. I'm not saying i know everything but that's what i think anyway..

Some couples even fight about this topic.. "To fuck or not to fuck, that is the question.." Well, the answer's so obvious isn't it? If you don't feel like it then say no.. And guys, don't get all grouchy and nonsense just because your needs isn't met.. Stupid..

This is the thing about guys, they don't understand how a girl feels! It's not easy for us girls to give a huge part of ourselves to you just because you say 'you love us'.. When we say no, they throw tantrums.. When we say yes, they keep asking for more.. Yes, some girls do get depressed after losing their virginity and they tend to be very moody but some guys are just so insensitive.. Instead of being there for the girls, they will start blaming the girls instead.. Some will even say "You should have just say NO.." Dude!! What have we been saying all this while before we unwillingly give ourselves to you..

"You guys should start thinking using the right HEAD and stop your testerones from making your decisions for you.. That's what the brain is for.."

Save me from the nothing i've become..

Okay, so this post is dedicated to Boi and Boi alone, you know who you are huh.. Yeah you, the one who always make the 'sendok' jokes.. Hua hua..

"First of all, of course i would like to wish you and you family Selamat Hari Raya.. You still get hari raya collection right?? Erhm, pass here some lah, i never get already.. Haha.. No just kidding..

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to thank you for doing me a huge HUGE HUGE HUGE favour.. You have no idea how you have saved my ass! So here, infront of everyone who's reading this, let them be my witness, i promise you that i will study hard for all my tests and exams!"

Haha yah, i know most of you, especially my girlfriends, Sally and Belle will wonder why i make this kinda promise! Well, cause he paid for my school books! Yes he did.. I was waiting for SOMEONE to pay me back the money he owe me but he didn't, and he didn't even contact me so i guess he's never gonna pay me back.. Well, that money was supposed to be for my school books but since he needed it more than i do at that time, i lent him first because he said he's gonna pay me at the end of the month, which was last month.. When the time comes, he still haven't paid me back and well, i was left with no books!

You should see the look on my mother's face when i told her that, and of course i got scolded.. I'm gonna tell you this, I'm never gonna be nice anymore cause kindness got me nowhere.. This is me, i may be mean or cruel or evil like everybody says i am but I'm very generous.. That's why it's hard to say 'no' when my closed ones asked for help financially.. Of course, if i don't have the money i will say no, but the probability of me saying 'yes' is much higher.. Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me.. But this is not about me now..

Back to Boi, he's a really really nice guy.. "So girls, if you're interested.. *winks winks*" I'd go for him if it wasn't for the fact that he's younger than me.. Haha, no just kidding.. I don't think we're each other's type anyway..

Well, he's a great friend.. He volunteered to pay for my school books but i told him I'll pay him back as soon as possible cause that's only fair.. You have no idea how much i owe him.. It's like school is my life, well part of my life at least, and he saved me! "Eh Boi, does that make you my hero?? Haha" Weee, i have a hero! Not my 'Sir KillsAlot' but still the knight in shining armour, no doubt..