Day 25. Someone who fascinates you and why.

To be honest, i think people are gonna think i'm crazy, but it is actually Adolf Hitler.

Now, i am not one of those crazy people to be digging up his family history and what not, but i do feel like he was a very powerful individual.

I don't necessarily agree with his ways and i definitely do not give tacit approval to his actions with the gas chambers and what not.

I just feel like he was a very tactical person and also influential, in a way. He let his presence known and was just very assertive to what he wanted. He had a purpose and he went for it.

I don't know. He truly intrigues me. The kind of individual i would want to study in depth on. You know what i mean?

Haha, yeah. I know it's not really justifiable why i picked him, but i have always been curious about him ever since i started liking war histories. Haha

What about you guys? Who fascinates you?

Day 24. Your favourite movie and what it is about.

This is so easy. It is definitely "City Of God".

If i am not wrong, this is based on real characters and real events. In short, it is basically a crime movie based in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. I think the time line is between end of 1960's and beginning of 1980's. In short it's just a story about drug lords, and their communities.

It's in Portuguese though, so you guys might want to see if they have it in English subtitles.

It is by far the best Language movie i have ever seen, other than that French movie. I definitely recommend this movie. Whether you're into crime movies or not.

Day 23. Pictures of 5 famous guys you find attractive.

In no particular order;

 James Dean

 Zacky Vengeance

Bruce Willis

 Ryan Gosling

Channing Tatum

Day 22. How have you changed in the past 2 years.

Other than the fact that i have stopped caring about those people who treat me as only an option, i think i have become more responsive to my own needs.

I have always put my family first before me, but i think i now know how to keep it balanced. I realized that i do need time for myself too, and that i cannot be selfish to myself.

I do love my friends, my family and my loved ones, but i have learnt to love myself first before anyone else.

There is no change in my trust area though. I am finding it too hard to trust people, as usual. Just, really not a good feeling to be wary of people all the time cause i get these thoughts in my head. Bad thoughts. It's getting a little bit overwhelming sometimes cause i don't know how to make it stop.

I mean, especially when it comes to guys and relationships. I try my best to be happy with the one i'm with and not compare him to the other guys who i don't want to associate myself with anymore, but it gets a little bit hard.

I want to be happy with the relationship and the guy, but when i feel like i am starting to get the hang of the idea that this guy makes me happy, i spazzed out.

I am trying though, one day at a time. So i'm just really lucky that this current guy is a patient one. Taking it step by step, trying to stop myself from thinking that everyone is just out there to hurt me. Yeah, it's gonna take some time, but i'm sure i'll be able to fight it.

So yeah, those are my little updates of what's happening in my head. Haha

Why not you guys tell me instead? I mean, those who do actually read my blog, if there is anyone. Tell me how i've changed over the years. How have YOU?

Day 21. One of your favourite shows.

TOO obvious! Haha

Day 20. How important you think education is.

Wow. VERY.

Well, to me personally anyway. I don't have the highest of education. I only have a Diploma. Even that, i had to work hard for it.

One thing maybe you guys don't know about me is that, i failed my O Levels terribly. It's embarrassing just even talking about it. I got 32 points, i think? I seriously just gave up during that period of time.

The funny thing is that, i loved school. I like going to school and i am one of those people who would do their homework in time and get good grades.

But when i was in secondary four, i just got lazy. Well, actually, i wasn't lazy. I just didn't bother, at all. I know i have to study, and i know i have to give it my all cause i feel like that's actually the start of the rest of your life, but i didn't care. I studied half an hour before the exams and just left a lot of the questions blanks.

I was really embarrassed when i get that kinda results cause my friends were all scoring with flying colours. They weren't the type to go out the night before the exams, they were the type who would meet up at the school or the library to study. I did follow them, but i seriously couldn't be bothered.

I got into Higher Nitec majoring in Engineering. I didn't like Engineering, but i am book smart, so i can actually just understand what's going on without liking the subject. I got really attentive during ITE, i tried so hard to compensate what i had lost during my O Levels.

I did score pretty well, and got recommended by the teachers to actually continue with my Diploma, so i did. I did well during polytechnic, all because i didn't want to feel useless like i did during my O Levels results.

So yeah, i think education is very important cause that's really your stepping stone to go out to the working world. But, don't get me wrong, experiences also plays a major part in surviving the real world.

It's really a mix of both, but i think education shapes you in a way. 

Day 19. Disrespecting your parents.

To be honest, i have been rude to them before. I won't sit here and pretend that i have never talked back to my parents before because i have.

It's part and parcel of growing up. Being rebellious and going against what your parents what you to do/be/say.

One thing about me is that, i always apologize after that. I will feel super guilty about being so rude to my parents, that i will seriously just think about it every minute until i apologize.

I adore my parents to bits, that is not a secret anymore.

I think that people who disrespect their parents are either retarded or just seriously lacking in attention. I can never understand how someone can talk bad about their parents to other people. I can never do that.

Even if my parents did something that i think is against what i believe in, i would never air my dirty laundry to other people. They are my parents. If i am not happy with them, i would talk to them about it, instead of talking to other people about them.

Honestly, i would rather you kill me than ask me to disrespect my parents. I don't even care if my life depended on it. Like, that shows how much i would never want them hurt, especially not my by words and/or actions.

Disrespecting your parents should be punishable by law. For real.

Day 18. Your beliefs.

I do believe in treating others the way you want to be treated.

I don't like lying to others cause i know how it feels like to be lied to. I will try as much as possible not to lie to others cause i put myself in their shoes. If one day, I were to find out that they've been lying to them, how would i feel? I would definitely feel betrayed and i will never trust that person again.

I also don't believe in cheating. At all. To me, there is NO excuse for cheating. I don't care how neglected you feel, or how distant you think your partner is, once you think about cheating on your partner, all i can say is that, you should just leave them.

If you love someone, you would never even think about hurting the other person, let alone cheat on them. I would rather be dropped, than get cheated on.

It's not really an ego thing, it's just the thought that having to share the person i love with someone else, who possibly make him much more happier than me. Also the feeling of being led on. If you want to cheat on your partner, there is definitely no more feelings for them, so i would rather you tell me straight to my face.

I believe that my family comes first before anyone else. They are the ones that i would take a bullet for, or more. I cannot live without them.

What else.

I dunno, really. I am a very honest and straight forward person. I know sometimes i can be a major bitch to people, maybe that's why some of you don't like me. It's fine by me.

Day 17. Your highs and lows of this past year.

Before May this year, i was pretty much jobless and living off savings. I was so depressed, with zero self-esteem and i didn't even wanna care about anything.

I was really really down that period of time. It was so hard to score a job, it was even harder to find a job that actually meets with the criteria that you already possess. Every night all i did was get online and send in as many resume as possible.

Even when i get called up for several interviews, i get more depressed whenever i don't get a response. You all know what i mean? I'm sure people who have been in my shoes before know how it feels like.

Your confidence level basically went downhill. You literally hit rock bottom.

I don't really have that many lows this year. Mostly the fact that i didn't have a job the first half of the year.

Things started to look up when i got a job in late May/early June. I started to save up and everything, lots of things have been paid off. I also have started back with my child sponsorship, which made me so so happy.

And then recently, i started to get break outs. My family should know that i go through pains and hundreds of dollars just to check what's wrong with my skin. I have spent so much to get my skin clear up and it has been a while since it broke out.

Now, i am going back to Dr Foo to get my skin in order again. Hopefully it would get better soon.

There's not much lows this year, it's been great. Loving life, and loving the fact that i have my family around me and that i am still healthy.

Day 16. Your views on mainstream music.

Mainstream music is defined as "music that is popular and nonthreatening to the masses, eg, pop music, pop rap and pop rock",

Honestly, i don't care.

If a song is good, be it mainstream or underground, i'd still listen to it. That's how i am. If they make good music, i don't freaking care if they "sell out" or anything.

Now, don't get me wrong. I love underground music, but to me, if a band is good, i would want other people to know them too. Share good music.

Music nowadays are crap anyway. Why not bring those good bands that nobody knows about and then introduce them to the public.

Sure they get paid, but hey if they get paid for doing something they love, so be it.

I honestly don't know why people get so mad when their favourite underground bands become famous. I really don't get it. I don't mind.

I'll be honest, as much as i like metal, i still listen to The Fray. I also listen to The Pretty Reckless and Kings Of Leon.

They are all mainstream, but that doesn't mean they don't make good music. That's why people listen to them in the first place, cause they have really good songs and are talented musicians.

Note that i say musicians and not performers.

Lady Gaga, Britney Spears and the likes of them have terrible songs. Some sing so badly too. THEY are performers. I don't consider them musicians.

So people, to me, if they're good then they're good. If they're not, then don't listen to them. You don't have to criticize other people's taste in music.

Yup!

Day 15. Your favourite Tumblrs.

Actually, i don't really browse Tumblrs, so i don't have a favourite. Plus, i don't even have a Tumblr account. Haha everyone's so obsessed with it.

It's nothing special, i feel. It's just another way for people to get famous online. Bleah.

But either way, here are some that i visit frequently.

1) Trust no bitch. Ever.
2) Serendipity
3) Images and Words 

Day 14. Your earliest memory.

Okay, i won't tell you guys about the time i peed on the playground. Or the time when i tore my shorts climbing over a fence. Not even the time when i blamed my brother for the fact that i slipped due to me being careless. I have told you guys all that story over and over again, and even though i still think it's funny, i won't bore you all with it anymore.


Lets talk about another fond memory of mine. I was just telling this to my colleague the other day. I don't exactly remembered what age i was, but i was living in my old house in Serangoon, so i was probably about between 4 to 8 years old.

Here's what happened.

I was at this phase where all i wanted to eat was instant noodles. I don't know why, but it's so good. Even now, i still have that phase. All i want is instant noodles or cup noodles.

Anyway, back to the story.

The thing is, back then, i was a pretty fussy eater. I love spicy food but i did not like a lot of vegetables, a lot of Malay traditional dishes. All i wanted was instant noodles.

So my Mum have been slaving over hot stove after coming home from her night shift, and she asked me if i wanted to eat. As usual, i would ask her to cook for me instant noodles and i was throwing a hissy fit cause she wouldn't cook me my noodles. Haha i guess she got angry and started chasing me with a bamboo pole.

Haha, yes, that bamboo pole we use to hang our clothes out to dry.

Ahh, i only remember vaguely what happened but i still think it was pretty funny. I was probably afraid back then, but it's a funny memory.

What about you guys? What memory do you guys have when you were younger?

Day 13. Somewhere you'd like to move or visit.

I will post some pictures of places i'd like to move and/or visit. The only catch is that i won't mention the places. You all have to guess it!

Here goes.

Day 12. Bullet your whole day.

Day 12. Today is the 15th, that's like three days ago! You know what that means? It means i really have been slacking off in terms of blogging! Haha it's okay, nobody really reads it anyway. I do it mostly just for fun and it takes my mind of off things. Being in customer service, you don't really have much time for yourself, you have to be on your feet all the time willing to serve customer so as to please them.

It's weird, cause i've never been a people person, but many colleagues have said that i look very comfortable being around people. Okay, that's another story for another time.

Lets see, 12 of October is a Wednesday. I was working the night shift on that day. So my typical routine for night shift weekday would be.

1) wake up and roll around in bed
2) whatsapp with love
3) check Twitter and Facebook via ze iPhone.
4) take a shower and get ready for work
5) prolly complaining on how hot the weather is or how slow the train is
6) get to work, punch time card, check roster and then check/send email
7) change into uniform and customer pleasing mode ON
8) work, work work, work
9) get back on train to go home
10) take a shower, wash my face, brush my teeth and SLEEEP!

Haha and that's the story! 

Day 11. Put your iPod on shuffle and write 10 songs that pop up.

Day 10. Discuss your first love and first kiss

Wow, they say you can never forget your first love cause when shit happens, it's gonna hurt a lot.

The thing is, i was only a child. Even if it was only a crush, i would still call it love. I was a young girl, i know nuts about love.

Thinking about it now, i probably wouldn't call it love, but back then i thought it was. Like i said, i was only a child, what the hell do i know? Haha, okay maybe a calling myself a child then would be exaggerating. I was a teenager, but if you guys knew how i was back then, you guys would seriously think i'm childish.

Anyway, back to the blog post.

My "first love" was with a guy, the type that you people would actually expect me to like. He has tattoos and multiple stuff. A guitarist. Haha you all know how much i love guitarists.

Basically he's just the typical bad boy in a band. The type all girls would drool over, but avoid. You know? I was just a typical teenager who would fall for every person who looked like a rockstar. Haha

There's not much to talk about, really. He was really nice. Mischievous soul, which i like. It was one of those good relationships that i would rave about. Haha yeah, old story though.

My first kiss was bad. I didn't know where to turn, teeth knocking, tongue all over the place. It was so bad. Haha seriously. Oh, the awkward moment after that. Not sure if you wanna laugh about it, or just be mad and keep quiet. Haha, but it was all good, no one expects the other party to be an awesome kisser the first time. Haha

I didn't even practice before that. You know how people kiss their own hand, or pillow to practice? I didn't do any of that. I was such a kid when i was a teenager. I didn't think about boys or on that curious phase to date. It was all about the fun for me!

Okay, short story, and not really interesting but it was a bad one that i wish no one would remember. Haha what about you guys? What happened on your first kiss?

Share!

Day 09. How you hope your future will be like

Wow okay, big question. Haha

We all don't know what the future holds, but i guess we can hope. Of course, once you hope, you have to actually move in the direction you wanna be in and not just hope for miracles to happen. You have to work for it, honey. Mhm.

Anyway, yeah. I don't ask for much, i just wanna be happy. Haha once again, everyone's definition of happiness is different. For me, happiness is not owning that new gadgets, or buying the latest product trends, or having expensive brands for irrelevant things.

For me, happiness is being able to be with the one you love. Being able to still see your precious family when you wake up. Being able to enjoy that little moment of bavardage with your girlfriends. It's just really depends on the standard you set for yourself, really.

I would love to own a car by then, but if i don't, i wouldn't be too worried about it. You know what i mean?

I just want to be able to say that i have lived the most of my life. Have done all the things i am capable of doing, at least once, if not twice.

I also want to be able to support myself and also hopefully my family? Haha yeah, i am not afraid to say that in the near future (not necessarily NEAR, haha), i do want to get married and have kids.

I just, yeah, basically just fulfill what i can and just live the most of my life left. I am pretty happy at the moment, so hopefully it would drag on to the future. 

Day 08, A moment you felt the most satisfied with your life

I haven't achieved a lot of things that i want yet, but mostly i am very happy with my life. Although some people might say that if you're contented with your life, how are you gonna improve on the quality?

Simple. Just do your very best. A lot of people compare their lives with others and that's what make them unhappy with their own lives. Instead of being thankful for what they already have, the compare what they don't have to the people that do have. Of course you're never gonna be happy with your life if you keep thinking that way.

I am happy with my life, but i still think there are room on where i can improve on. I do it cause i want to, not because i don't have things that other people have. I don't care about those other people, and their material things.

I have to say, ever since i started working, i have been very satisfied with my life. Tiring to earn the money, yes, but when you know that all the things you buy is from your hard work and sweat and tears, it's all worth it.

I am pretty lucky. My parents took care of all the necessities ever since i was young. Even when i was in polytechnic, my parents paid most of the things i need. I feel bad, of course, for troubling them. That's why now that i am working, i feel so happy with it cause it is all me.

I don't need to depend of my parents for the things i want anymore. I also get to support them with whatever little i have. I get to save up for things i want, for trips or even just for nothing.

It's really fulfilling for me to be living my live for myself. I love my parents to bits, my friends and family, but actually having to control your own life by yourself, is very satisfying.

Day 07. Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.

I was born on December 14th, so that makes me a Sagittarius.

To be frank, i don't believe in horoscopes, even though i read it. I mean, there are MILLIONS of Sagittarians out there and obviously the general overview of what makes and/or define a Sagittarian may not fit with every single one of us. Of course, there are coincidences where a certain trait fits you to a t.

Nevertheless, lets go through what we know about being Sagittarius and i'll see if it's applicable to me.

Whenever you read about Sagittarius, a lot of websites emphasize our need for freedom. I might agree. I, personally, do not like being constraint. I also do not like schedule or a time line for me to do something. You know what i mean?

I like socializing and being around people, but i don't like to be in crowded places. It annoys the heck out of me. Mostly cause of the stuffiness, plus, some people smell so bad.

Sagittarius are also curious people. I love learning about new things, experience new cultures and get to know new people. Which is also a Sagittarius trait, which is being friendly.

I am very friendly, but some people can't stand me. I don't know why, maybe cause they find me bitchy? Only cause i'm honest. I am no-nonsense type of person when it comes to honesty. The think is, i am REALLY nice, but once people start to insult me, i do fight back. I guess that's where my fire sign comes in.

I like traveling and i get bored really easily. I need to constantly do something. I don't like desk-bound jobs, i like a job that enables me to meet different people and be in a lot of situations.

Well, i am very generous towards my loved ones, and i am very protective of them. I am fiercely loyal.

Haha, well, if you read most of the traits of a Sagittarius, those mentioned above are part of it. There are, of course, traits that are relevant. Some don't really apply to me.

Like, easily trusting people. I am not like that. It is really hard for me to trust someone, even if i have known the person for years. I am also not patriotic, like how a Sagittarius person is assumed to be in a lot of websites that i read. I like my country, but i don't feel like i would want to die for my country selflessly.

Basically i just explained with basic traits that i think fits me and what don't. It's all very general anyway, our personality and traits, though some are inborn, there are many more that we learnt through experiences.

So yeah, just take some time each day just to get to know yourself better. You might surprise yourself.

Day 06. Write 30 interesting facts about you.

Well, some facts may not be interesting cause you have to admit it, these things usually don't come when you think about it. It will suddenly come to you after a few days. Haha either way, the following are what came into my head at the moment of this blog post.


1) Not everyone i know in real life knows my real name
2) It is not a secret that i like firemen, but i was genuinely sad when the firemen in Singapore are not as hot as the ones in the calender. Haha
3) I do not like the taste of mayonnaise.
4) I am a chocolate addict. Sugar addict, more like it. I cannot live without candy.
5) I have tried going cold turkey from sugar, even tried reading a book about kicking sugar addiction. FAILED!
6) Carmen Electra was my first ever real same-gender crush.
7) I am very much in love with James Dean.
8) Yes, i have dreamt about marrying Bruce Willis.
9) I like cooking but i don't like to eat.
10) I feel guilty after i eat, which resulted in me not eating for a few days.
11) I don't take promises from people seriously anymore. If they fulfill it, then cool. If not, then meh, expected.
12) I don't like following trends.
13) I feel like people who follow trends really have no sense of originality or even confidence cause they need to be assured that they are being accepted by society by wearing things that have already been approved by the masses.
14) I don't like dead bodies.
15) I don't bear grudges but once i don't like you, even if i have forgiven you, i still won't like you.
16) I don't take criticisms to heart cause i feel like the people who insult others are just a bunch of loveless attention seeking brats.
17) I am not one to apologize when i am not proven wrong, but once i am wrong, i WILL apologize and i mean it too.
18) A lot of people told me before that their first impression of me is that i am a snob. I'm not, I'm actually very friendly.
19) People always say i look nice and innocent and a total sweetheart. They obviously don't know how bitchy i can get.
20) Even though i like metal, i still listen to other genres.
21) I like snakes and bats. I am not afraid of creepy crawlies but i HATE lizards and rodents.
22) I search my symptoms just to see if i have an illness.
23) I always feel like i will die before 30.
24) I like reading horoscopes but i don't believe in it.
25) Be it Christians, Muslims or others, extremists piss me off.
26) I am pretty much gutsy. I pretty much will try EVERYTHING at least twice.
27) I have issues with not having my feet on the ground.
28) I have trust issues that i am currently working on.
29) Sometimes i push people away to see if they will indeed stay.
30) I cannot live without my family.

Day 05. A time you thought about ending your life.

To be real honest with you, i have NEVER tried to end my life.

I have gone through so many deep valleys in my life, so many drama and so many bad experience, but i can safely say that i have never tried to kill myself.

Well, i guess i am one of those lucky people who can bounce back when they hit the bottom. I feel like i am the master of my own destiny. I control the situation i am in, not the other way round.

Yes, i do get depressed. Yes, i do feel like i am nothing. Just an insignificant little part of the population. I do feel like i have lost everything before, but i just pulled myself out of the rut.

I feel like running away from your problems or even ending your life is actually a cowardice act. There ARE people who cares, even though at that point of time, you don't think they do.

You just need support. Try looking for it around your family that loves you, your friends that adores you and those loved ones who couldn't live without you.

Don't do anything irresponsible, even though you feel like it will end all your problems. The ones who have to deal with it are the people that you left behind. That loved you truly and unconditionally.

Honestly, if you think about all those things and people that fills your life with care and concern, and kindness, you can go through anything. 

Day 04. Your view on religion.

Me answering this question is not to make some of you people angry at me. It's just me voicing out on my opinion, as usual.


As per normal not many people will agree with me, but with that said, i DO NOT want you people to come preach to my face about it.


I really don't.

Now, before you people bash me, i would just like to say that i do believe in God. I do thank Him for all that i have, for all the days i could still wake up in the morning and spend time with my loved ones.

I, however, do not have faith in religion.

I know what you guys are gonna say? How could you believe in God if you do not have faith in religion? Well, because to me, there is only ONE God. He is the creator, He is the merciful. Just one.

Okay, to be fair, i don't really have a problem with religion cause each religion actually teaches us the same thing. Respect, discipline, honor and definitely responsibility. There are, of course, other values that religion teaches us.

What i actually do not like, is when people interpret certain verses in their respective holy book the way they want it to be, and totally misconstrued on the real meaning of the verse/holy book. Really, just. It is really hard to keep my faith in religion with the people around it trying to twist every single thing the book teaches.

Maybe one day, my faith in religion will be restored again, but till then. *smiles*

Day 03. What are your views on drugs and alcohol

Well, to be honest, i find the people doing both to be brain dead.

I mean, some people drink one glass of wine per day or they don't drink irresponsibly and doesn't really hurt anyone. That's okay with me.

But there are people who drink cause they can't do anything without drinking.

Same goes for drugs.

I don't care if you do it, just don't hurt other people in the process. That's what they don't realize. They may think they're just having fun but having excessive of either and/or both things hurt the ones you love.

You may not be abusive physically, but mentally, you're basically raping them.

I am not gonna judge those people who do them, but i have seen first hand what both things can do to a person and their loved ones to even be curious about them.

I can honestly say that even though i wonder why people do it, i have never been curious enough to try. It's stupid, really.

Besides, i have my own natural high to even be bothered about those things.

So all i can say is, if you wanna drink, drink responsibly. Don't do drugs. Seriously, it's not worth it. 

Day 02. Where you'd like to be in 10 years.

Simple.

I want to be married to a devoted man with 4 great kids living in a cozy, homely place.

OR

Be a world traveler.

I don't mind either way. Haha.

Day 01. Your current relationship, if single, discuss how single life is.

Apparently, according to Facebook, i am engaged to that guy mentioned above. Haha well, you know what they say. If it's on Facebook, then it must be true.

Haha, i am joking. No ring. *hint hint wink wink* Hahaha.

Nah, trying to take things as they come. Comes March, we'll see what happens.

Not going into details, cause there are spies on my Facebook and Twitter. Yup, there are some and they don't like to see me happy. Haha

October's 30 days.