It was an honest mistake..

I have a lot of projects due on Wednesday but i'm too sick to start on it.. I need freaking help in doing my homepage project cause we need pixaround shits.. And i dont know when i'm gonna take those photos.. This is the time where i really wish for a miracle.. I have 2 projects due next week, a quiz and a report.. It sucks.. I hate deadlines.. I can't believe i'm doing everything last minute.. Serves me right..

I'm like so bored right now.. Watching room raiders on mtv and having unknown people smsing me asking if i called them.. Whatever! As if i've got time.. Sheesh! So whoever that is can seriously kiss my ass.. Let's just hope it's not those pranksters again cause i've changed my number once because of them.. It's just so irritating..

Ryan have been a great guy and i've been a great jerk towards him.. Why can't i just accept him? Am i still living in the past? I hope not cause the past really hurts.. I do like Ryan but it's unfair for him if i keep thinking of someone else everytime i'm with him. What is seriously wrong with me? Like seriously, wake up!! Whatever.. i've had enough, like seriously i have.. I dont even understand myself, how can other people understand what i'm going through? Izzit possible that someone else know you more than you know urself??

There's a lot of questions running through my mind actually and all this questions doesn't seem to have an answer.. Well they do, it's just that nobody answered them for me.. I'm being so pathetic.. I need a life..

Trashed and Scattered

Well, i wrote my Mission Statement already. Twice.. My first role model was Cain but my teacher say it wasn't appropriate so, i wrote another one and put Princess Diana as my role model. Tee hee.. I dont know why he says it's inappropriate.. Yah sure Cain killed his brother, Abel, but he still gets what he wants.. That's like the number something rule of success (i cant remember which number.. i'll ask Mikael again, he's the one who told me). Well that rule kinda say something like, "Be prepared to do just anything for success." So yeah, i like Cain being as assertive as he is, he knows what he wants and he'll do anything to get it.. I wanna be like that too.. I dont mind or dont care at all if i hurt a few people along the way just as long as i get what i want! Is that so wrong?? I dont think so.. Whatever..

Ryan said i'm broken and damaged cause whatever he do, i'm never happy. No, not the spoilt thingy kind of way. It's just that he told me no matter how loud my laugh is or how real my smile looks, he knows exactly what i feel inside.. I guess Ryan is right, i am damaged.. i am broken.. I'll never feel happy again.. I'm waiting for something that i know i will never have again.. Is that being stupid? I dont know why i'm feeling this way.. What will you feel if even emptiness boycotts you?? I know i will never get what i want, but since it's still in my life, i'm gonna make full use of it.. Ryan is being the best support i've ever had but he'll never know how i truly feel.. But thanks is all i can say, i can't promise him the girl i was before cause she's never coming back.. I've changed.. I'm never gonna be who i was before this.. Even if it hurts me seeing Ryan beg for that girl back, she's never coming back..

Goddamn motherf*ckers always wasting my time

I am looking for a boyfriend, but i wanna be single.. I dont know what's wrong with me.. Whatever.. I just realized something about my relationships.. I'm usually nicer to those full-time jerks, but when i have someone so great that i think is so hard to live without, i screw up! ALWAYS!! What the hell is wrong with me.. I guess i always get the wrong type of guys.. Everybody goes through it i supposed.. Always attracted to the bad boys.. Sheesh.. Now i'm looking for man.. A mature one and most importantly, RICH.. Yeah, i love money so sue me..

Remember the Eric guy i told you about? The one in my lecture? Well, i dont think he's cute now.. I don't know, he just dont seem like the type i'm gonna be interested in.. Ha.. And then, i thought his friend was cute.. But now, not anymore too.. Ha.. Whatever Arynne..

Anthony .. What can i say about him.. We're definitely getting closer but well, he's got a girlfriend.. That guy has one hell of a jealous girlfriend but we're cool now.. We hang out together sometimes, without the guys and surprisingly we have alot in common and i guess we clicked.. It takes time to know someone and probably we judged each other too soon..

Ryan.. Tee hee, my stress reliever.. He's got like the best massaging hands ever! I think.. Haha.. Well, he's got huge hands, PERIOD! I love his hands, i go crazy over his hands.. I don't know.. I have a thing for guys with huge hands.. Ahakz.. And his new tattoo rock! Ryan, i just wanna say something to you.. "Stop touching me everytime we meet!! I ain't complaining buttttt *winkz winkz* [you know, i know ah]"
I think that the dream guy i'm describing all the while is him.. Ha, okay honestly, i didn't figure that out.. He's the one who knock some sense into me.. My dream guy, physically, have tattoos, peircings, wear black eyeliner and tall.. Well, guess what! He's all that and more! Ahakz.. He's just so hotttt.. Whatever.. Ahakz, i can't tell him that or he'll get all thick-skinned..

Oh well, whatever it is i wanna marry someone rich.. With lots of money.. Rich rich rich.. $$$$$$$$$$.. Sheesh..

Epic of TIme Wasted

So much time I've wasted.
I can truly say I never thought it would come to this.
Never would I doubt you, but the truth kept smacking me in the face.
Reality. You never stopped to think and you ripped us apart.
How could you? Now our time is gone but it's still breaking my heart.

Tears run down as I think of the days we've had, and the memories will last forever,
but you and I have died and gone our separate ways.

You are the one.
You are the wrong one.
Breaking the mold.
Going your own way.
All I feel, betrayal.

So much time I've wasted, and I never thought it'd come to this.

Apology.
We had something great, then it was washed away.
We had something more, then I can explain.
I'm sorry. No! We had something great, then it was washed away.
No! Not all friendships last, the genuine are harder to take.
No! Time to start again, hope someday you'll think of me.
No! The end reality, I know someday I'll think of you.

A song by Avenged Sevenfold from their "Sounding the Seventh Trumpet" album.

Why did i put this song in my blog? Well probably cause i feel the song.. "SMILES" I guess by now you people know who i am talking about.. SO, i'm not gonna say anything.. We may not be the best of pals now but yeah.. Hope he'll think of me.. SOMEDAY..

I'm tired of being weak..

Am i naive or am i just plain dumb?? I let him get to my heart again.. At first, he told me he wanna be like last time.. He missed all those sweet talks and those sweet stuffs we've done and he asked me if i missed it... So, i said i did.. At first i thought, yah why not, since there's no strings attached.. Well, yah he dont feel anything for me, or vice versa.. Whatever..

But i know he's gonna change soon.. He wont be the sweet stuffs that he once said he wanna be.. And i dont know why i let him get to me.. I mean seriously, if you think you're bored of me, tell me.. Don't ignore me and dont treat me so mean.. And of course, dont start blocking me in MSN.. Be a man and tell me if you think you're bored of all the things we're doing.. We can either spice things up or go back to where we were.. Just friends.. You call me baby and demand that i call you darling, but when i did, a few weeks later you changed your attitude towards me totally.. What are you trying to do? Dont just keep taking.. I give you want you want, so you too have to give something back to me.. Think about it.. If that's not what you want, plz just tell me straight.. Dont start ignoring me or blocking me!! Sheesh!!

In the first place, what we have right now is not a relationship, if that's what you're thinking and no i'm not falling in love with you again.. So, yeah why in the first place did you wanna be like last time if you think that you're gonna treat me so coldly again.. Think about it.. Dont think you can make use of me just cause i'm giving you everything you asked for.. If you think you can't give me anything in return, dont just keep on taking..

Squirrel, squirrel

Well, on the 7th January 2006, which is on a Saturday, i had E-Guides meeting.. What is actually an e-guide?? It's an acronym for Engineering-Guides.. What do we do?? We guide potential TP students around the engineering block to familiarise them with the surrounding and tell them more about each compententcy unit before actually going to that school.. Why did i join since i hate socializing? Well, guess what!? My CP sabotaged me!! But whatever.. During our training, i actually had fun, which i think is funny cause, the only thing i considered fun is actually killing little insects with hot melting wax.. But yeah, i actually had fun.. It's kinda cool actually, everybody interacted with each other and yeah, i didn't regret going there at all.. Tee hee.. Anywayz, the open house for TP will be on 19th, 20th and 21st January 2006.. Which falls on Thursday, Friday and Saturday respectively.. Whoever's interested, come k? It starts at 12pm to 5pm..

Anywayz, i have 2 of my test results.. I was soooo disappointed cause i only got 71/100 for my CKT and 36.5/50 for my ITCF.. That's just the term test results, haven't yet added to the Quiz and Labs.. But i hope i pass!! Sheesh.. Anywayz, i still havent got my DFund results yet, soo *fingers crossed*
I'm so bored in school.. It's the same old thing everyday but it gets colder in the lecture rooms, probably cause it's been raining these few days huh? Whatever.. Ha.. I wanna cut my hair, but i love my long hair.. SHould i?? Ahakz..
I still haven't find my role model yet, so how am i supposed to write my Mission Statement... At this moment right now, i'm finding for role models on the interney while writing this..  So, i'm actually finding what significant thing that happens on the day i was born.. 14th December 1986.. With that, i guess it's easier for me to find a role model.. Ahakz..

I wanna find a boyfriend, but it's so hard to find my dream guy.. How exactly is my dream guy you asked? Well, it's a mixture of Criss Angel, Chris Cornell of Audioslave and Synyster Gates of Avenged Sevenfold.. Isn't it hard?? I want someone with tattoos, piercings and black eyeliners.. No, not those malay or chinese gang members, they're such a turn off.. I want someone who listens to rock and metal songs, who sees life like i do.. Those into dark, gothic stuffs.. Hopefully a fireman and someone who is rich?? What are the odds of finding someone like that?? He also must be tall and plays the guitar.. I dont mind him wearing specs.. Kinda cuter i guess.. Ahakz.. Well, if you people find someone like that, send him to me.. Ahakz.. Whatever..

Squirrel, squirrel

Well, on the 7th January 2006, which is on a Saturday, i had E-Guides meeting.. What is actually an e-guide?? It's an acronym for Engineering-Guides.. What do we do?? We guide potential TP students around the engineering block to familiarise them with the surrounding and tell them more about each compententcy unit before actually going to that school.. Why did i join since i hate socializing? Well, guess what!? My CP sabotaged me!! But whatever.. During our training, i actually had fun, which i think is funny cause, the only thing i considered fun is actually killing little insects with hot melting wax.. But yeah, i actually had fun.. It's kinda cool actually, everybody interacted with each other and yeah, i didn't regret going there at all.. Tee hee.. Anywayz, the open house for TP will be on 19th, 20th and 21st January 2006.. Which falls on Thursday, Friday and Saturday respectively.. Whoever's interested, come k? It starts at 12pm to 5pm..

Anywayz, i have 2 of my test results.. I was soooo disappointed cause i only got 71/100 for my CKT and 36.5/50 for my ITCF.. That's just the term test results, haven't yet added to the Quiz and Labs.. But i hope i pass!! Sheesh.. Anywayz, i still havent got my DFund results yet, soo *fingers crossed*
I'm so bored in school.. It's the same old thing everyday but it gets colder in the lecture rooms, probably cause it's been raining these few days huh? Whatever.. Ha.. I wanna cut my hair, but i love my long hair.. SHould i?? Ahakz..
I still haven't find my role model yet, so how am i supposed to write my Mission Statement... At this moment right now, i'm finding for role models on the interney while writing this..  So, i'm actually finding what significant thing that happens on the day i was born.. 14th December 1986.. With that, i guess it's easier for me to find a role model.. Ahakz..

I wanna find a boyfriend, but it's so hard to find my dream guy.. How exactly is my dream guy you asked? Well, it's a mixture of Criss Angel, Chris Cornell of Audioslave and Synyster Gates of Avenged Sevenfold.. Isn't it hard?? I want someone with tattoos, piercings and black eyeliners.. No, not those malay or chinese gang members, they're such a turn off.. I want someone who listens to rock and metal songs, who sees life like i do.. Those into dark, gothic stuffs.. Hopefully a fireman and someone who is rich?? What are the odds of finding someone like that?? He also must be tall and plays the guitar.. I dont mind him wearing specs.. Kinda cuter i guess.. Ahakz.. Well, if you people find someone like that, send him to me.. Ahakz.. Whatever..