Trashed and Scattered

Well, i wrote my Mission Statement already. Twice.. My first role model was Cain but my teacher say it wasn't appropriate so, i wrote another one and put Princess Diana as my role model. Tee hee.. I dont know why he says it's inappropriate.. Yah sure Cain killed his brother, Abel, but he still gets what he wants.. That's like the number something rule of success (i cant remember which number.. i'll ask Mikael again, he's the one who told me). Well that rule kinda say something like, "Be prepared to do just anything for success." So yeah, i like Cain being as assertive as he is, he knows what he wants and he'll do anything to get it.. I wanna be like that too.. I dont mind or dont care at all if i hurt a few people along the way just as long as i get what i want! Is that so wrong?? I dont think so.. Whatever..

Ryan said i'm broken and damaged cause whatever he do, i'm never happy. No, not the spoilt thingy kind of way. It's just that he told me no matter how loud my laugh is or how real my smile looks, he knows exactly what i feel inside.. I guess Ryan is right, i am damaged.. i am broken.. I'll never feel happy again.. I'm waiting for something that i know i will never have again.. Is that being stupid? I dont know why i'm feeling this way.. What will you feel if even emptiness boycotts you?? I know i will never get what i want, but since it's still in my life, i'm gonna make full use of it.. Ryan is being the best support i've ever had but he'll never know how i truly feel.. But thanks is all i can say, i can't promise him the girl i was before cause she's never coming back.. I've changed.. I'm never gonna be who i was before this.. Even if it hurts me seeing Ryan beg for that girl back, she's never coming back..