I'm not being materialistic, i'm being realistic..

It's the eve of my cousin's engagement and everyone's really busy with the preparation.. Haha, I've been cutting kilos and kilos of dried chillies.. Oh my gosh, it's her engagement but I'm the one excited.. Haha, whatever it is, i wish her all the luck and just hope she wont get nervous..

Everybody knows that i love money and if people are offended by it then hey, by all means.. This is me, if you think I'm being shallow and materialistic about it.. Here's a little newsflash for you, I'm being realistic.. They say more money, more problem.. They lied!! With more money, you can buy more things.. With more things, you are definitely happier.. Haha.. Oh well whatever, you know..

Ryan Ryan.. Haha.. Okay, some people ask me why i totally banned myself from dating soccer players.. Well, for starters they're jerks.. They'll definitely pick soccer and their friends before you.. Which i don't mind that much but i mean come on, where's the attention!? Okay maybe I'm stereotyping but hey, once bitten twice shy.. For my case, it's n times bitten 2n times shy.. Haha, never mind I'm being LAME!

Okay Ryan, I'm sorry for neglecting you these few days but I'm kinda busy with my cousin's preparation for her engagement, "Hope you understand, honey.. I promise you after all is over and done, I'll devote my time to you.. Muacks" Okay, haha maybe not my whole time but there's surely a time in my busy school schedule for him right..

Anyways, i hope everything goes well for the ceremony.. Nights..

Hoi!

Haha, well I'm officially really bored right now.. My cousin's getting engaged this weekend and I'm very happy for her. Her future fiance is a really cool guy, loves to joke.. Though we don't talk that much, i can tell he's gonna be a good HUSBAND to my cousin.. HE BETTER BE!!

Like i said i can't wait for school to be reopen. But till then, i just gotta wait.. PATHETIC! Haha, i just wanna know how i did in my term test, is that so wrong?! Haha, i need to get a life.. Seriously..

Anyways, this Loqo guy.. Haha serves me right for peeping at other people's profile.. As soon as i got into his profile, it resets all my profile's layout.. But luckily, i have patience.. YEAH RIGHT! Haha..

Been trying to make my background picture.. FINALLY it's up! Haha, i don't know what i did the other time cause it didn't show the background picture at all, but now it's fine.. Okay  fine, i confess.. I've had help.. I did ask Mikael for help but he keeps saying he's busy.. Yah okay, i know he's working and have absolutely no time to HELP A FRIEND! Haha.. *Rolls eyes*

K people! Ciao! Muacks!!

Never to the idea of monogamy..

I miss school!! Never thought of the day where i actually say that! Anyways yeah, i miss school.. I actually like school.. I'm not really confident of my term test but i really hope I'll pass..

Ryan Ryan.. I have something to say to you.. "Get that camera away from my face!" He likes taking pictures but i hate posing for him and constantly having that camera in my face.. I hate taking pictures, i hate to smile actually.. Pictures are so fake! Oh well whatever..

Anyways, he's been a great help with my mood swings. He's been keeping me in balance with my inner self.. Both emotionally and mentally, sometimes sexually too.. No just kidding.. My family's gonna kill me! Yeah, i really thank him for keeping me in check with reality.. Haha, yes people i have a teeny weeny crush on him.. But too bad, I'm not actually looking for a monogamous relationship but we're definitely getting there.. He's actually very very understanding.. And yeah i really treasure him.. "Love ya Ry!"

Do you see my love behind these eyes..

Ryan have been telling me that all he sees in my eyes are a feeling of hatred and vengeance.. Well, if only he went through what i went through..

I was deprived of a happy family ever since i was born. Yeah, my parents were there but they were never together..   I was forced to grow up, be independent and mature so that i can take care of myself. How am i supposed to do that, after all i was just a kid. No, i don't life or love, I'm just not used to the love that's is going around.. But i don't blame my parents for the way i turned out, in fact i thank them.. I thank them for making me see the world differently, not to take things for granted.. One thing i learned from my parent's failed marriage is that you really need money.. Yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that my parents often fought about money.. They say money can't buy you happiness. For my case, the more money you have, the happier you'll be..

I used to blame my mom for the separation cause she was never there.. My dad was there everyday of my life.. He was the one who sent me to school, he was the one who sent me to the clinic when i got sick in the middle of the night, he was the one who rubbed ointment on me when i got my asthma attack.. I love him but i never learned to treasure him until the day he left.. It's just sad that people often take things for granted..

I've never seen my dad cry ever, until that day my mom asked for the separation. When i see his tears flowed down like that, my heart instantly broke. My family is my everything. But now it's been crushed down to nothing. I hated her for making my dad cry. I hated her for breaking up the family. I had a painful teenage years and all i feel for my mom was remorse. All i wanna do is just go against her. I never hated anyone more than i hate my mom. But she is my mother after all, whatever she do wrong, she is still my mom.

I guess I've grown up. I feel that it's no use blaming either of them. My mom was never there, and my dad have a sarcastic way of showing his love and concern.. And the marriage just couldn't work..

Now all i wanna do is make my parents happy, even if it means giving up my own dream. What do i often dream about? Having a whole family.. I know my parents still love each other.. I know that my mom still cares for my dad.. I'll do whatever it takes to get my parents back together even if it means committing murder or arson, i don't care.. But seeing how miserable my parents are when they are together just hurts me so much.. If them being happy means not being together, then I'll gladly be selfless and give up my own happiness for them..