Do you see my love behind these eyes..

Ryan have been telling me that all he sees in my eyes are a feeling of hatred and vengeance.. Well, if only he went through what i went through..

I was deprived of a happy family ever since i was born. Yeah, my parents were there but they were never together..   I was forced to grow up, be independent and mature so that i can take care of myself. How am i supposed to do that, after all i was just a kid. No, i don't life or love, I'm just not used to the love that's is going around.. But i don't blame my parents for the way i turned out, in fact i thank them.. I thank them for making me see the world differently, not to take things for granted.. One thing i learned from my parent's failed marriage is that you really need money.. Yeah, I'm not ashamed to say that my parents often fought about money.. They say money can't buy you happiness. For my case, the more money you have, the happier you'll be..

I used to blame my mom for the separation cause she was never there.. My dad was there everyday of my life.. He was the one who sent me to school, he was the one who sent me to the clinic when i got sick in the middle of the night, he was the one who rubbed ointment on me when i got my asthma attack.. I love him but i never learned to treasure him until the day he left.. It's just sad that people often take things for granted..

I've never seen my dad cry ever, until that day my mom asked for the separation. When i see his tears flowed down like that, my heart instantly broke. My family is my everything. But now it's been crushed down to nothing. I hated her for making my dad cry. I hated her for breaking up the family. I had a painful teenage years and all i feel for my mom was remorse. All i wanna do is just go against her. I never hated anyone more than i hate my mom. But she is my mother after all, whatever she do wrong, she is still my mom.

I guess I've grown up. I feel that it's no use blaming either of them. My mom was never there, and my dad have a sarcastic way of showing his love and concern.. And the marriage just couldn't work..

Now all i wanna do is make my parents happy, even if it means giving up my own dream. What do i often dream about? Having a whole family.. I know my parents still love each other.. I know that my mom still cares for my dad.. I'll do whatever it takes to get my parents back together even if it means committing murder or arson, i don't care.. But seeing how miserable my parents are when they are together just hurts me so much.. If them being happy means not being together, then I'll gladly be selfless and give up my own happiness for them..