The water gets too deep for me to breathe..

Call me sensitive or what, but i can tell if someone GENUINELY care about me.. For now, i don't really feel it from anybody..
Even from Ryan, yeah i do know he cares for me but sometimes he acts as if he HAVE to do it.. Then again, maybe it's just me..

I guess it's just in my head! He's been there through my dark times and he's still there, picking me up piece by piece.. Though some pieces of the puzzle doesn't fit, it doesn't matter.. I'm becoming whole again.. I can be me again.. And all i need is him by my side, having my back, being down the bottomless pit to help me up when i fall.. With time, I'll be the Arynne everyone used to know and probably love.. It's hard, it's just so hard cause i still mourn for my life.. I feel sorry for my life..

Yes, i can be a little clingy at times or something but i can assure you that sometimes, i don't realize it myself.. I'm so tired of taking care of myself all these while and it's nice being taken care off and being loved.. NOBODY will ever get it.. I may have told a couple of people about my situation, but i don't think they really understand what i actually went or is going through.. I don't blame them though cause some people just have it all..

I'm telling you right now..

I'M FUCKING BREAKING DOWN, I NEED PROFESSIONAL HELP! EVERYTHING'S JUST FALLING APART! WHEN?! WHEN WILL SOMETHING GOOD HAPPEN TO ME!? CALL ME SELFISH BUT FOR ONCE THIS IS ALL ABOUT ME! NOT ABOUT YOU, ANY OF YOU! I'M NICE TO EVERYONE BUT WHERE DOES THAT GET ME? NOWHERE, THEY LEAVE.. THEY LEFT, ONLY COMING BACK WHEN THEY NEED SOMETHING! KEEP THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T NEED YOUR FUCKING SYMPATHY.. SINCERE OR NOT, GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME! I DON'T NEED ANY OF YOU TO TELL ME WHAT I CAN OR CANNOT DO! I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO TELL ME THAT I'M FINE, CAUSE I'M NOT! YOU DON'T KNOW ME SO DON'T JUDGE ME! FUCK YOU! GET LOST!