The new life she have found

I PICKED PAUL.

Worth it? I guess i just have to wait and see.. I'm trying my hardest to make everything work.. He's way in UK and I'm here in measly Singapore..

My girlfriends told me that no matter what everyone said, in the end it's just about me and him.. Yeah i kinda agree but all the negative vibes and thoughts everyone give me is making me feel very confused..

Hazel told me to think twice about having a long distance relationship cause it gets really hard.. You see, it's hard hearing that from my very own cousin cause it sometimes seems like she's against it.. I don't know what to think..

Everyone keep telling me to follow my own heart but whenever i came to a point of making a decision, they'll keep feeding me with stupid thoughts.. Making me once again insecure about the whole thing..

I guess Paul is right, if i am insecure about myself then it is my very own business to work out myself.. But i mean, seriously unless you're some kind of supermodel or Carmen Electra, you WILL feel insecure when the person you really like is surrounded by gorgeous looking women.. 

Gah! I guess it's just excuses on my part!!

But then again, i guess the people do make sense when they told me to think it over and over again..

I just don't wanna get hurt again, i guess that's why i keep thinking the worse.. It's just that everytime i feel like i should be committed to someone, I'm the one who ended up getting hurt.. I don't want that to happen anymore.. I just wanna find a good guy who can love me, including my imperfectness..

Paul asked me what i want from him.. Well, i can answer him this.. I want him to care for me, be honest with me.. Even if he did something wrong, i want him to tell me no matter how bad the outcome is.. If there's any problem, i want him to share it with me.. I want him to accept me and love me for who i am, flaws and all..

He asked me the other day if i love him.. That time, I can't give him a straight answer..

The funny thing is, i get really restless when i don't get a text message from him.. I told Violet that whenever he never calls, i missed him ever so terribly.. Haha, i know.. It's too soon but i can't help myself from feeling like that..

So do i love him? Yes, i guess i do.. I love him, like wanna be with him love him..

I'm not making sense..

I just wanna say..

If Paul ever play me, I'm just gonna shut myself down..

If that ever happen again,

I'M TURNING HOMOSEXUAL!