You had my heart, atleast for the most part

A good friend once told me that his sister thinks that men don't grow braincells until they're 30, and boy how true..

Some of you, especially Sophia, may have noticed that there's a certain someone's name under my 'Loves' category in my Friendster profile..

Well, I'm not gonna mention his name here but I'm sure that alot of you already know about it.. If you go to my profile now and check it out, it's no longer there..

Here's why..

I just feel stupid having feelings for someone i have not met.. I hate thinking about him and having to worry about how he's been.. Sometimes it just feels like worrying about him is a full time job, the only difference is that i don't get paid for it.. I hate having to think what he's up to and everything..

I really have to say that long distance relationship is really not for me.. Here's what i know about long distance relationship..

One important factor is of course, communication.. 

Sadly to say, we don't communicate much.. Except for the first two weeks into it, then yeah he called me everyday and message me without fail.. After that, it just went downhill..

He won't text unless of course, replying to me.. And he seldom calls.. Of course, i don't blame him.. Overseas phonecalls are not cheap and i know he's busy with work and all.. But so am i.. Why izzit that i can spare 5 minutes to ask him how his day have been while he can't do the same for me?

Haha, here's the funny part.. I admit, i was cold towards him the first few days we get to know each other.. He told me, so i tried to change as he wants me to be more loving.. When i am, he calls me needy..

I don't mind all that, really.. But seriously even if i am needy, what's the problem? What's the point of having a boyfriend (since you call me your gf and all), when i can't be loving or act a little needy sometimes? Pfft never mind!

And another point is, trust..

I know i ought to be shot for saying this, but i don't trust him all that much.. Believe me, i have trust issues.. 

Probably it's because everytime i wanna be in a serious relationship with someone, he turned out to be a fucking jackass!

But then again, it's not all my fault.. Have you seen his female friends!? They look like fucking pornstars.. Hot with big boobs! Lol, yeah.. With the kind of lifestyle they have in UK and with what everybody have been telling me, i guess i kinda feel a little fucked up about it..

Maybe you can blame it on my paranoia but the way he's been treating me is different..

I told Sophia about our little argument the other time..

Sure there's something credible about what he said..
Him: I said i love you once, don't need to say it 50 times a day
But i mean come one! Here's my reply..
Me: u know.. sometimes a simple "how you doing" makes a hell lotta difference

I want somebody who appreciates me and treasures me.. I want somebody to protect me, somebody to show me that he really wanna be with me.. 

Gah! I know I'll be making a fucking big mistake if he turns out to be sincere but for now, I'd rather not be surrendering my whole heart to him..

But I'm not saying that I've never had feelings for him.. I did, hell, maybe i still do.. Ha, i have no idea why I'm talking about him..

He's probably no thinking of me at all.. Or whatever.. Jeesh!

Argh! Abrupt end.