I need to get out, figure this shit out

I don't know what to do. I hate what I'm feeling right now. I hate not being able to control my emotions.

The view from that rooftop looked really good last night, the ground floor looked especially tempting. *smiles* Flirting with Death is fun, but what happens when you fall into the hands of Death's temptation? I really wanna know.

Will YOU miss me when I'm gone? Will YOU even think of me when I'm not around? Will YOU remember me? Am i asking too much if i say i wish YOU'd answer yes for all that questions?

I don't know how to love anymore. I don't know what's love anymore. I wanna give up on it but once i do, I'm basically fucked. So what do i do, what do i do? Nic wanna go to Italy and be a Priest after his heart breaking incident with Thump Thump Girl. Maybe i should go with him to Italy and be a Nun.

Sounds like a good idea huh? Nobody will care anyway. Toodles!

I'm waiting to see the light

My feet are a little sore from walking in those heels all day yesterday

Note to self: Next time, buy more comfortable heels. Or just buy flats. Haha

I've seriously nothing to do. Well actually my school mates wants me to come to school to practice ICC lab with them but I'm feeling a little lazy to go to school on an off day. They're asking the wrong person to teach them ICC lab anyway cause i totally suck at it. I hate doing practical or hands on lab stuff, especially when it comes to Engineering topics. I'm able to do it when the time comes but i just can't teach people.

I'm not a patient teacher. I used to tutor this two kids math and English. I'm able to handle that of course, just that the kids were so fidgety and a little slow so i have to teach him differently from how I'm used to teach other kids. One more thing, i think I'm so used to doing Engineering mathematics that i over analyze a simple math sum. But I'm so glad i can still remember my primary school methods. It's kinda fun, much simple that the ones I've learn in Poly.

Okay sorry for talking about that.

I'm easily amused. I didn't know my tongue can touch my nose until like half an hour ago. I was looking in my compact mirror, scrutinizing each flaw my face holds, when i started looking at my tongue. Yes i know, but I've got nothing else to do. I didn't know my tongue can do all this weird rolls and stuffs. That got me entertained for a while! Haha, what?! Little things make me happy okay, can't blame me for that. Tee hee

I've been feeling weird these few days. Like something's missing but i can't quite put my finger to it. It's like that empty feeling kinda. I felt like that when i lost my ring, so probably it's not something important but it's making me feel a little uncomfortable.

I've been cooking alot lately, and that just means only one thing. Feeling a little low. I like cooking just that I'm lazy to cook cause of the clean up. With that said, it also means that i hate doing household chores. I only do those under two circumstances;

1) When i start to hear my mom nagging non-stop about the cluster in my room, or,
2) When I'm feeling upset.

So since my mom haven't been nagging for me to clean up my room, you figure it out. I don't know why I'm feeling so down lately. Could have something to do with what's missing but i don't even know what I've lost. Haha, i can be a retard sometimes. So i guess all the cooking and cleaning is just another method for me to forget about that empty feeling. I really wanna know what's going on with me though, I'm running out of food to cook and clothes to wash.

Okay, enough about that. I'm saving up for a couple of things right now. I have like S$200 for my graduation trip so far and i hope i have enough to go out of Singapore by December or early next year. I still don't know where to go though, but it'll be nice if I'd go somewhere where i know someone so i can save on lodging. Haha, killing two birds with one stone. Saving and visiting that person at the same time.

Another thing I'm saving for is a notebook. I know i can ask Daddy to buy the laptop for me but I'm saving a little so that Daddy won't have to pay the whole sum. And I'm thinking of piercing my lip, or my tongue or my nipple. Haha, just kidding on the nipple piercing.

Gah okay. I'm going to find out what's making me feel so down. I'm gonna ransack the kitchen and freezer to see what else i can cook!

Toodles!

I never viewed my life as something slipping away.. (My Reflection Essay)

As I sit here alone in the room staring at the screen of the laptop thinking about what to write for this essay, I can't help but reminisce;

I used to think that nobody else mattered except me. That was how selfish I was. Not to mention, also conceited. I used to think that only my opinion mattered and I would try to be right with whatever means possible, even if it meant hurting the feelings of other people.

That was probably because I used to hang out only with people who shared my thoughts and views. I guess I have a lot more to learn.

During my years in ITE, I realized that I'm not always right. Being with people who also have personality you can’t tolerate, not only test your patience but also your competency on how you handle difficult situations. After being in Polytechnic, mixing with different types of people with various personalities opened up my mind to a whole new dimension of opinions.

Having a diverse group of friends made me realized that there's more to it than just thinking about oneself, I have to learn to be tactful, be honest and not sound rude at the same time and also that not a lot of people can tolerate my overpowering personality. 

Other than that, having friends that have the same goals as me have shown me that a competition is healthy as it pushes me to strive much harder than what I already put in. My friends are also a gracious lot as we congratulate one another whenever an individual scored higher than us but at the same time still encouraging the ones that did not do as well.

All this have made me into a much stronger, less arrogant and more socially aware person.

I do believe that one day I can change the world; in fact, every single one of us can do it. But before we can change the world, the first person we have to change is ourselves. To change ourselves we have to learn to love ourselves, accept each flaw and embrace all strength we have.

Having living for almost 22 years, there are times when it gets hard to stand up for what I believe in. Peer pressure, social acceptance and family upbringing play a huge part into shaping my thinking, my beliefs and my passion.

There was a phase in my life where being accepted by friends and society are what matters most and there were times where temptation of going against my beliefs won over self-control. Yeah it felt good for a while but after that, I realized that it was stupid as one by one; my friends left me when I got into trouble.

It's hard, yes of course it is but when I reflect and think, seriously think using my brain, I'll know if the things I did or about to do is right or wrong. You don't need to do a huge thing to make a change, or to stand up for what you think is right. All you need are self-assurance that you can do it without expecting anything else in return, confidence that you can change a little bit at a time and lots and lots of hard work.

I never was a diligent student in secondary school. I threw in the towel which resulted in my miserable results during my GCE 'O' Levels. I saw how disappointed my parents were and secretly, I was disappointed in myself.

After that incident, I promised myself to work harder and definitely to work smarter. Having to achieve what I achieved today, though not commendable or recognized, it’s safe to say that I can do whatever when and if I put my mind to it.

Although many mistakes have been made during the journey of my life, I'm actually really proud of myself for being able to get this far. Mistakes were made so that we can learn. Nobody's perfect, so why be hard on yourself. Now, I concentrate on nothing else but to achieve my goals and for now, that is to walk down that stage during my graduation day shaking the hand of the person who will hand me my
diploma.

That will have to be my proudest moment in my education journey.

These 3 years in Temasek Polytechnic have taught me a lot about myself, about my abilities, and also my intelligence. Even though Engineering isn't really a sector I want to work in, it doesn't matter as being able to go through the experience in Poly is more than what I can read from a book in a lifetime.

To me, giving is much more precious than taking. I will want to do something that will able me to share what I have gained and at the same time make a change. This is where my goal to work in Singapore Prison Service comes in. I believe in giving people a second chance and sometimes they all need someone to show that he or she cares, and I care.

Till next time, another satisfied TP student signing off....

'Always vote for principle, though you may vote alone, and you may cherish the sweetest reflection that your vote is never lost.' - Adam Quincy Jones

'Most true happiness comes from one's inner life, from the disposition of the mind and soul. Admittedly, a good inner life is difficult to achieve, especially in these trying times. It takes reflection and contemplation and self-discipline.' - William L Shirer

Alistair Johnson, my buddy

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR CANADIAN BUDDY!

Finally 19 and legal! Haha! Hope you have a very happy birthday and may all your wishes come true.

Say hello to your Daddy for me! Haha

We've got this high society looking down on their very foundation

Gah, i can't wait for the GST package that THE GOVERNMENT (haha, sounds so elite) will be giving us in July. I'm totally broke and i need all the money i can get. Daddy, Mummy and cousin paid me back so i think it'll work. Maybe i should stop being so generous but i can't, it's in my nature. I'm too nice, pfft!

Anyhoo, I'm 22 this year and i get to vote next year! Yay! I feel so important now, you know, the decision of who's gonna run Singapore will be in my hands.

Okay honestly, I'm not really into politics but somehow i like listening to rally speeches (even though it's basically the same thing over and over again). I don't really have a political view but i consider myself pro-peace, totally anti-war.

I'm sorry to say this but whoever think that war is the answer, should just go burn themselves in the pits of hell for eternity. No matter how big a dispute is, they should just settle it by using their brains. Hey people, haven't you heard? Violence don't solve anything and it's proven since the war isn't over yet. You should play chess instead to see who wins, much intelligent that way. Atleast we can tell which one of the countries happen to have brains.

I was watching Fahrenheit 9/11 the other day and it kinda made me a little sad actually. It really show want went on in the lives of those soldiers and their families. The soldiers mostly came from not so well to do families and even though it's their choice to join the Army, i think they only do it with their families in mind. Yeah sure the army have lots of benefits, college funds, and other type of material things but what about the danger and all the possibilities of them not seeing their families again.

I think we will never know how the families truly feel unless we're in their shoes. I don't know how the mothers feel losing their sons but i guess i can feel their pain. Some people get so upset when they lose their pets, let alone this, their own flesh and blood.

They were sent to war sites to do basically nothing and just to follow aimless orders. I don't see the heroic thing in killing, or inflicting pain (be it physically or emotionally), or even humiliating the innocent party. What's so commendable about that?

It's so tragic to see the influential people dismissing the fact that they're sending so many youths to die unnecessarily when their own sons and daughters maintained the lifestyle that their having. Who's to blame for all this really? Think seriously, what makes their children more special to hang on to the lifestyle when the others are out there fighting just to defend their god damn rights?

I'm speechless by how they handled the fragile situation. I don't think they even know how damaging it is to the people of the effected countries, or how negatively it impacted on their own citizens. So what's the reason for all this? One thing, selfish reasons but they're not lifting a finger to solve it themselves and obviously they don't care at all how many people they have killed just to fulfill their own desires.

Ha, great job! *rolls eyes*

The sad thing is, this is happening everywhere all over the world. We have got to stop this, seriously. If this goes on, so many futures will be erased. Think of the kids.

People who use violence instead of their brains are nothing but cowards. But hey, if that's what make you sleep comfortable at night then by all means.

I want something more than this, i've given all i can give

Oh my gosh, you guys....

Stop it okay, I'm fine. I don't know what i did or say to make you people thing that I'm not. I mean yeah, I'm a little stressed with everything going on but i assure you all that I'm gonna be fine. It'll blow over.

Being in final year is kinda disrupting my social life a little but hey, it's okay. We all have to sacrifice something to get what we want right? It's not as if i gave up on my friends, i jut have lesser time for them now. Kinda sucks a little. That doesn't mean i don't think about them, of course i do. I know they'll understand cause we're all busy with our own job or school.

Oh stop it, i don't have time to date. I don't even have time to ogle at guys. Bear in mind that there are alot of cute guys in TP, and of course in the bus. So just imagine how busy i am when i even think about reports on my way to school. Haha, i need a new life.

How long haven't i talked about guys huh? I'm starting to miss talking about boys. Haha, sorry. I'm a girl so it's normal to talk about guys i think. Tee hee.

Honestly, i don't really think about being in a relationship. I mean, sure of course i do want to be in one but since I'm not, I'm not really thinking about it. You know what i mean?

It's just in my nature to be a one-man woman (haha, sounds so woo right?). I don't know, i probably grew up always looking up to my dad as he's so loyal and faithful to my mom. Here's something that not alot of people know about me, when i like someone or in a relationship with someone, i am totally devoted.

Well it does seem like i flirt around with other people but i actually don't. Anyhoo, sorry for the side track.

As i was saying, I'll be totally devoted to that someone. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, seriously. It's like, i know it's a good thing to be loyal and faithful on a whole but that characteristic of mine can totally work against me.

Like right now for instance.

I'm not gonna repeat it, you all know my situation right now. Even though Robert hurt me badly that time, i still can't stop myself from having feelings for him. You know, the incident isn't really his fault. Maybe i over-reacted or something but i guess no one's to blame for that, so let's not talk about that. Sorry for side tracking again. Haha (been doing it alot haven't i?).

Okay, what you guy already know or how much i hate to admit it, i still like Robert. This time I'm gonna be honest with everybody, (and even to myself) I've never really stopped liking him. I like the fact that he can make me laugh without having to try too hard, make me smile to myself even if we're talking about the same thing, and how much he seemed to care about what I'm going through. I like the attention he gives me, i guess that's why i got so attached to him and started expecting more out of the "friendship" when i shouldn't be expecting anything at all.

I don't know. The past few days, it seems like we're always arguing, even over a trivial matter. Maybe it's the stress of school or life in general. You know, the kinda squabble couples have when they're about to break up, the only difference is we're not a couple and we'll never be. It just don't feel like how we used to be, more carefree and more jovial. I guess I'm still holding on to that false hope that one day life will sympathize with me and see that i deserve to have what i want.

I hate this. So much. I hate getting myself into situations i can't handle, especially when it comes to the affairs of the heart. I don't blame Robert really, i actually blame myself for the predicament I'm in now. Maybe i put my heart into it a little too much, and i happen to like him more than i planned to. See, it's my own doing.

I guess i read too much into how nice he treated me and mistook his care and concern for something else. Maybe once again, I'm asking too much when i shouldn't be asking anything at all.

ALISTAIRRRRRRRRRR! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!?!!!!!!

I miss talking to him now that he's away for a four day trip with his family. It's his birthday this Saturday, too bad i can't celebrate it with him. I always have his ears whenever i think too much about this Robert situation and he's always there with some sarcastic remarks for me and we'll laugh about it. I just need to talk to him right now.

Alistair told me to stop having feelings and stop talking to Robert. Ryan said he's not worth it and i should open up my heart to other guys who really wanna be with me. My girlfriends told me to forget about him and find someone else, and Violet was even mad at him about that incident.

Truthfully, i know they're right. They're right when they say i should forget about him, but i don't want to. He's a great friend and i feel happy whenever i talk to him. I appreciate every little thing he does for me, to help me forget about my problems.

I think i see my problem now. I've grown too attached to him and almost dependent to his attention. Oh my goodness, what have i gotten myself into. I really wanna forget about my feelings for him, you know since he said it's impossible for us to be together because of the distance and there's nothing either of us can do about it. I should take it as a sign that he don't like me, right?

Sigh, i hate being all melancholy and cry-baby ish about this. That's nature i guess. When you have problems in every aspect of your life, and you can't do anything to make it better, you just can't help but cry and hope that you'll feel better after that. It doesn't work with this.

I guess i have to give him up, huh?

P/S: I'm hesitating. I don't want to.

RYANNNNN, FEEDZZZ, LISAAAAAA! LET'S GO OUT NOW!!!

Time is a valuable thing, watch it flock by as the pendulum swings

How long has it been since I blogged? Two days? Haha, my schoolmates get very puzzled whenever I write my blog because some of the posts are super long. Sometimes I too wonder where I get my ism.

Yeah, anyway I'm still not done with my Reflection essay and my research project. I'm just a little tired with everyone going on, I don't even have time to breathe properly. I eat really fast during lunch, sometimes even skipped lunch. There are just so many deadlines to follow, it's becoming ridiculous! Sometimes it baffles me how I am able to blog so much for one post, but when it comes to essays and reports, I get all muddle headed.

I think blogging is so much easier because you don't have to be so formal and you don't have to worry about what people think about it. You don't need to impress anybody so you don't really have to care if there's error in your grammar or tenses and basically, you don't have to think twice before writing (which have gotten me into trouble once or twice). As for reports, well we all know why I hate doing reports. Pfft, and all the formatting! We have to follow all these regulations of an Engineering report! It's something I hate the most, follow the rules because of all the restrictions.

So much for wanting to be a Prison Escort Officer. Can you believe it? A girl like me, loves being different, not wanting to conform and wouldn't care two hoots about what other people think, wants to have a career in prison. There's not alot of girls that wanna do a career in reform, so I guess it goes back to me not being a conformist. It's really an interest actually. My family knows that I've always wanted to do something in the law industry but I ended up doing Engineering. What a loser I've become!

I know that not alot of family and friends agree with the career path I wanna take. All my life, I've been trying to make close ones happy even if it means sacrificing my own happiness but this one's for me. It's something I wanna do for myself, something that will make me happy if I get to achieve. Other than that, I don't really care so much about what's gonna happen. Nobody really care about what I want anyway and since I always don't get the things I want, especially guys, I'm gonna leave my love life in the hands of my parents. If they think that they pick the right person for me then, who knows, maybe that person is.

Well enough about that. It's been so long since I'm out with my friends! Gah school, seriously! It's taking over my whole life! Its okay, just a little more to go. I just have to hold out for another 3 months and I'm off. I'm thinking of going away for a few months after that, but it's just a plan anyway. Oh well, we'll see how life works out for me.

Wokay, I'm back to doing my project now. See ya!

Bet you ain't never seen, a chick riding this clean

I know my birthday's like 6 months from now but i can't stop thinking about it. I just don't know what to do on that day. I've already graduated by then so i don't know if my school mates will remember my birthday. Oh well, I'll probably spend it in bed, with MattSanders with nothing to do. Boo hoo! I'm such a loser.

Anyway just incase my caring friends *hint hint wink wink* wanna celebrate it with me, i really wanna do a Japanese cuisine birthday dinner. Tee hee, we've experimented with different food culture except Japanese food. Well, the only Japanese food we eat everytime is sushi, which i love BTW. Last year, a group of close friends celebrated my 21st birthday at Earl's Swensen which i have talked about on my birthday post.

Click here to read about it.

Well yeah, I'm just saying that i really wanna celebrate my birthday at a Japanese restaurant. Haha, maybe i can go to Ramen Ten. Just saying anyway, I'll be glad if i get birthday wishes from my friends.

Well enough about where i wanna celebrate my birthday, let's talk about the presents. What's a birthday without presents! Hehe, i already know what i want from some of you, so those other people who i didn't ask for anything, please don't think that you're safe!

Haha, i expect a birthday present from everyone i know! MUAHAHAHAHAHA, I'm shameless i know but hey, if i don't ask for it, I'll never get it right? See, it pays being thick skinned. *smiles*

Below is a list of what i want for my birthday. And if you see your name beside any of those things, it just means that you're the few lucky ones that don't need to rack your brain on what to buy me. Haha.

Here goes.

1) A shopping trip, all paid for by "Mr. Generous One"
2) Emporio Armani Diamonds EDP perfume
3) iPhone [Daddy/Mummy]
4) iPod Touch [Arun]
5) Esprit Timewear 2008
6) Acer Aspire 4920G in red [Alistair's DADDY (hehehe)]
7) Vagary Watch IV8-042-51
8) GUESS watch with embellishment, red [Rob/TJ (nyahahaha)]
9) Samsung i8 camera in black
10) Video camera

Well there it is! Some of the things i want for my birthday! Haha, saw your name beside any of the thing? Woo hoo! Congratulations! You all have been chosen to buy for me that stuff (with force, of course!) Haha. BUT! Alistair, you said OK when i asked your dad for a laptop! Haha, you better keep your word you Canadian buddy of mine!

So people, what are you waiting for?! You have 6 months, so start saving! Chop chop!

Look at my eyes covered in Maybelline, looking like something fresh out of magazine

I'm happy! I'm so so so so happy. Haha, I'm smiling right now!

Tsk, no! Nothing to do with guys. Well i guess, if you consider my dad, but he's just not ANY guy. He's the best there is! Okay sorry, I'm talking crap.

I'm just ecstatic cause my mom have finally agreed to go for dinner as a family. Mom, Dad, younger brother and me. On the condition that it's my dad's treat but i don't mind!

What?! You're shocked? Imagine MY surprise! I thought i was dying or something, if not, why would mom suddenly think of having a family outing. Well, i hope my life will take a good turn after this good news.

Anyway, as i mentioned at previous posts, i went toiletries shopping last week. I didn't go that far, just at Northpoint with my mom since it was her day off. It's like a ritual i do once a month or once in two months. Ask any girl, they'll definitely agree with me if i say that girls cannot live without toiletries shopping (or any kinda shopping for that matters) Tee hee.

Wanna know what i bought?

I probably shouldn't tell you all the things that can be found in my toiletries and make up bags since it will render me defenseless but you know, what the hell. It'll be fun and who knows, you might know a thing or two about what's going on under that long gorgeous locks of mine! (Haha, sorry for being so self-absorbed!)

The first thing and definitely most important is my wet facial tissues of course! I'll use it to wipe all the make up off my face. It's very important to clean off every single grain of those powder that is clogging your pores. I believe some girls use make up remover and cotton pads, but I'll just use the facial wipes so it'll be much easier. Do take note that you need to spend atleast 10 minutes to remove all the make up!

Without this, i can never start my beauty regime!

Next starts the cleansing of your skin. This include the facial wash, the toner and the moisturizer. You can just use the facial form but it'll work much better if you were to follow the instructions to complete the regime.

I used to experiment with alot of brands to see which is suitable for my skin and so far I've been using Garnier Pure. One tip, if your skin started cracking or breaking out when you use a particular brand, it means you should change cause the product might be too strong for you.

Next on my list are two things that can complete your look. The eyelash curler and the mascara. Without it, you might as well go out without make up! Make sure that you don't forget to curl your eyelashes or it'll never be perfect! So don't ignore that step!

Asience shampoo and treatment, especially for Asian hair. It's safe for daily use and it won't dry up your hair but I'm still experimenting with it so i have nothing much to say about it. So far it's been fine i guess. Give me another week okay!

Nivea Whitening lotion. I've just started using this but it's really light and not sticky like some of the other body lotion. It leaves your skin really smooth. It have a very refreshing smell and protect you against UVA and UVB so you can use it everyday.

Nivea extra whitening deodorant is not sticky, doesn't leave stain on your clothes and definitely no alcohol so it's fine for those sensitive skin.

Cotton pads are very essential to any girls. Some girls use it to remove their make up, some use it to clean off their eyeliner (i don't know how they do that though) but all girls use this cotton pads to apply toner on their faces. It evenly spreads the toner and at the same time wipe off excess sebum from your facial wash.

Cotton buds. There are all sorts as you know, for babies, for make up and also the multi-purpose one.

You all must be wondering what the hell cotton buds are for right? Well let me tell you something that not many people know about it. Well, to guys anyway cause girls really see it very useful. They make really good eyeshadow applicator especially if you need to apply it near your lash line. They help shape your eyebrow too if you need to draw them everyday and not forgetting, with some eye make up remover at the cotton tip, you can clean off that stubborn eyeliner marks at the inner corner of you eyes. It's all good! Haha.

Tee hee, well i have other products that i use but I'll leave that to your imagination. I will never let any guy fully know what's in my make up bag so nyaha! Haha.

Let me leave you all with a simple beauty tip.

To get really soft kissable lips, use a soft bristle toothbrush (the ones you use for your baby siblings) and brush it on your lips in a soft circular motion, and then apply some lips moisturizer and leave it to heal. Do it at night where you don't need any lippy activities!

Happy trying! Hehe

P/S: I don't mind getting sponsors from any of the products mentioned above! Haha

You took my sanity, i'm starting a new verse

This sucks so bad!

I was sick on Wednesday. Was dressing up after my shower, sat down on my bed and suddenly the room started spinning. My eyeballs maybe, cause even when i close my eyes i can still feel the the room spinning. Took a couple of pills and tried to sleep but i can't. So i just lie down and started messaging Sally!

Haha, i must have been so delirious that i started calling her doctor, she's a nurse actually. Goodness, i started vomiting, 3 times in 5 mins! It's so disgusting. I felt so terrible seriously.

It's like that day when i had my withdrawal on Prison Break and started puking green foam, but this time the gross and pain factor is only a third of it.

It's not painless, i can tell you that. Haha

I'm okay now. Mom gave me some pills, massage the back of my neck and i went to sleep. When i woke up the next morning, it felt like the worse hangover ever! Not that i ever had any but you get what i mean.

Yeah, every single noise is magnified 100 times! My mom was arguing with my brother and she started banging the pots and pans, my head was throbbing! I went toiletries shopping after that and my headache was gone. Tee hee.

Well anyway, I'm going to school later to work on my project with WinnieC and Nic. Hmmz, i wonder if i get to see this Thump Thump Girl Nic is so crazy about. Oh well.

Here are the list of projects i have to do:

Major Project-
Chapter 3: Project Description
Chapter 4: Research and Project Development
Chapter 5: Results and Discussion
Chapter 6: Conclusion and Recommendation

Full report, abstract, acknowledgment, executive summary.

Individual project-
Instrumentation and Computer Control research project
APEL3 Values and Reflection essay

Group projects-
Instrumentation and Computer Control
Automation and Machine Vision System project proposal
Cleanroom Equipments and Technology

Okay, i think that's it right. I hope! Looks like a little but i have just less than 6 weeks to do all this. Gah, things i do to get a freaking diploma!

Can you fix my h.e.a.r.t cause it's d.a.m.a.g.e.d

I GIVE UP.

Break 'em off somethin' proper, like a real show stopper

Sorry i haven't been updating lately. I'm just fresh out of blog worthy drama. Arynne is super sick of blogging about stupid people. Well okay, to be fair they're not really stupid, but just too conceited to come up with something logical.

Okay yeah, whatever.

Well, I'm done with my term test incase you don't know and now I'm having my 2 weeks mid term break. I've been doing nothing but slack at home and read books.

Yes yes, i know. It's the life *rolls eyes*

Am supposed to go with my lecture mates to Wild Wild Wet theme park today but i rejected their invitation cause i feel that it's a waste of my money since i can't swim. Haha, yes that's a confession to those people who don't know that i can't swim.

I mean, i can float and do some basic paddling of my feet but i can't swim swim, you know. I get panicky when my feet can't reach the sea bed and i have no idea what's lurking under the water. That's why i stay away from deep oceans as much as possible. Still love the sea though! Tee hee

I'm waiting for Sally to tell me when she's free to go out and have fun. Well, need conformation from Belle too since she's such a busy teacher. Haha, still waiting for the good news from Belle. I wonder when she's gonna have her first baby but whenever it is I'm pretty sure the baby's gonna be as cute as her!

Gah okay! I can't really enjoy my term break. I wish i could but I've got alot of project proposals due when school reopens. I'm probably gonna head to school one of these days to finish up all the proposals and reports.

If you see me online, say hello and chat with me okay! I might need your companion!

Hope i pass all my subjects cause if i don't, I'm gonna hate myself for the rest of my life. Seriously, i can't fail any! Just can't handle that kinda disappointment. Wish me luck okay, all you nice people!

I wanna go off somewhere and destress for a little while. Whoever said the world is small needs a spanking from me! Oh my gosh, how i wish everywhere is just a bus ride away.

If that's the case, you know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna take a bus to Canada and hug Alistair('s dad). I'm gonna cook rice and beef curry for him and I'm pretty sure he'll want me. Haha, okay sorry. It's an inside joke between Alistair and me.

After that I'm going to Michigan to poke the living daylights out of Cutest Bassist Ever's gorgeous eyes! Oh and bite Cody's cheeks. He is Rob's baby brother and he's just so adorable! Haha

Okay yeah, moving on.

After that I'll go to Rome and get an Italian guy to drive me around on his Vespa. Haha. What a plan, what a plan.

Let's not talk about me for a second and focus my attention on somebody else. Like, oh i don't know, Nicholas! Haha. So yes, this group member of mine finally know that Thump Thump girl's name, thanks to his friend. The reason why he calls her Thump Thump girl is because his heart goes thump thump whenever he sees her, or so he claimed. Tee hee

Ain't that sweet! I've never seen him so determined trying to get to know a girl. If only he's as serious when he's doing his report! Just kidding Nic!

Okay, back to me now! Haha

Speaking of this made me think a little. Maybe i should start dating again. Go out there and have fun with the wrong ones until i find the right one. I should give other guys a chance since i can't get the guy i want. (Oh shush, you all know who it is.) Maybe, just maybe, i should give those guys in school a shot. There are some really nice guys in school.

Hmmz, how about a Sugar Daddy? Haha Alistair, is your dad as romantic as you?

Nah, I'm just kidding. I'm not rejecting any older guys though, provided that they're rich of course! What?! Atleast I'm being honest okay! The money's primary reason for me to date an older man but hey, if love blossoms then hallelujah!

Ha, sorry about the very bad religion comment!

Yeah anyway, I'm thinking of getting all the Seniors together to start a new tradition. You know, senior pranks but the seniors don't seem too keen on the idea. It's okay, it'll work out somehow.

Oh, and I'm thinking of cutting my hair. I have this hairstyle i wanna try but don't know if it suits me. Haha, the girls in lecture told me not to cut my hair cause it's already so long.

I know where they're coming from, I'm gonna miss my hair too. We'll see if I'll cut it or maybe just trim it a little?

I'm going toiletries shopping this Thursday!

Bye!

You stand there infront of me and bite the hand that feeds

I'm puzzled by how open people can be about their stupidity. By how people are able to think that everything others do, talk or respond is about them. By not admitting their error when they've been caught red-handed.

I'm baffled, by how people see themselves as perfect, the most successful and the most influential when they're actually really not. By how people only need you around when they're in trouble. By how people just brush you aside when a misunderstanding occurs. By how people is actually able to forget that they owe you.

Haha, I'm speechless really.

Oh well, 2 papers down, one more to go. I'm not putting much hopes on Friday's paper cause i suck so much as it. All this talk about pressure, vacuum pumps and other cleanroom related stuff is making my brain hurts. We'll see how it goes.

Oh, i miss talking to Alistair and i also miss arguing with Robert. Ah well, i just miss them both!

Miss me and think of me always, you two! *hugs and kisses*

And thanx Arun for the songs! Haha. I'll treat you to Ben and Jerry's some other time. Tee hee

There's nothing here to take for granted with each breath that we take

Why do we always want something we can't have?

Be it that silver Aldo heels that passed way beyond your budget, or that new i-phone your parents refuses to get for me, or even that guy that lives halfway across the world. You clearly know that you can't have any of those but yet, you still refuse to admit defeat.

Hey, it's all circumstantial right? Doesn't mean you can't have them now, means you can't have them at ll. Well, that's what i think anyway.

But really, why do we always want the things we can't have? Izzit the cheap thrill you get when you're chasing that something or someone? Or just that win all attitude that makes you not want to give up?

It's an age old thing, you know. It's just more fun to go for the impossible. Of course, it's a good thing that you don't give up easily, keep striving for the things you want but there's also a time when you need to see if it's all worth it. Will the chase pay off? Most of the time, it doesn't and that's reality.

Sometimes, you just need to know when to give up so you won't hurt yourself.

What if you know you have to give up, need to give up but you don't want to? You just refuse to give in and you keep trying because somewhere within you, you know that it's somehow a possibility that you will get that thing you're chasing for.

Honestly, to me, there's nothing that is impossible. It's just whether you think it's worth trying to get that thing or that person.

So, i think all this wanting what you can't have crap is just another way of trying to prove to yourself that you can get whatever you set your mind to.

The only downfall is that you don't seem to realize the things that is within your reach. The things that you can definitely get without having to compromise or hurt yourself. The things or person that is directly in your line of vision but you just ignore it because you think there's some things or someone better out there. Once again, reality is, maybe not.

I don't know really.

To me, i think it's just a matter of trying. Even though you know you can't have what you want, you just wanna give it a try. Even if i fail, I'll be proud of myself knowing that I've tried rather than just wonder about what could have been.

I think it's the same with life, in general. How can you tell if what you're doing, if what you've plan is the right thing? Exactly, you can't. And you won't know unless you've tried.

So why do people always want what they can't have? Because they know that there's a slight chance that they will get it.

So, don't give up. Try, chill, and have a little faith.