Day 30- Who are you?

Who am i?

That's a good question, isn't it? No matter how well you think you know yourself, you will definitely surprise yourself with the things you can do or whatever else.

First thing's first, I am the daughter of Zainal and Maria. I am the eldest of two, i have a younger brother who is two years younger than me. My parents divorced when i was 12, so basically i just have to start growing up. I love my childhood though, i adore every single minute of it.

So no regrets.

I graduated with a diploma in mechatronics engineering and i was working as a fresh graduate in a shipmanagement company in the finance department for one and a half years before going into the library customer service sector.

What can i say about myself?

I would like to think that i am an honest person, loyal and caring. I try to live by that everyday.

I really do not like liars, or people who lie just to avoid problems. I know people say that the truth hurts, but i REALLY do not like being lied to. Even if i trust you, and then i caught you lying to me, i'd stop trusting you.

I don't give people another chance when they're caught lying or cheating.

I really do not like people who cheat. My father didn't cheat, my uncle didn't cheat. I have seen so many couples who have went through all ups and downs and still love each other every day. I have seen that happening around me that i cannot understand why people have the heart to cheat on their partners.

As cliche as it sounds, if my boyfriend thinks that he likes other girls or his feelings for me have changed, i would prefer for him to let me go.

I don't care if it hurts, i just don't want to find out that he actually cheated on me. Not only would i feel insulted, but my faith in guys, relationship and even soul mate would be gone. FOREVER. Okay, exaggerating but you know what i mean.

What else?

I would die for my parents. I am not stingy when it comes to the people i care about. If i have extra money, and if they need my help, i would definitely help. I would try to buy each of them presents as much as i can.

I have an immense irrational fear of gaining weight. It's really not the fear of being fat, it's the gaining of weight. Wait, pretty much the same right? Haha the thing is, even when i lose a lot of weight, i'd still feel fearful. I feel guilty when i eat, and sometimes i don't even eat. I like the feeling of having an empty stomach so sometimes i starve myself.

I like being in a serious and monogamous relationship, having someone there for me, but i won't die without one. I am happy with myself so, yeah.

I have trouble trusting people, especially those who are really nice to me. I know people think it's normal, so yeah, whatever you say. It is really hard for me and i don't even know why i'm afraid. The trust issues ruined a lot of relationship for me. Those good ones anyway, cause i tend to push them away.

I honestly don't know what started it but, i find it hard to really believe what people say. Not many people can tolerate that, or not many people would actually like to help me with that. They get too tired of me pushing them away, so they leave.

The stupid thing is, when guys treat me badly, i stay.

I just want to have a guy that won't lie to me or cheat on me, you know. Like, just one guy that would actually stick with me even though i can be a major biatch sometimes. Someone who can see past my flaws and insecurities, and would just be there to help me deal with my issues.

Yeah.

I guess if you all wanna know a bit more about me, just read my blog. I am pretty much an open book. If you wanna know something about me that you cannot find in the blog, then yeah, you can ask me.

If by any chance any psychologists or psychiatrists that are reading this post, if you know what's wrong with me, feel free to leave a message.

Have a nice day!