We both know the day will come, but i don't wanna leave you..

I know it's unfair of me to call him a liar without even knowing the full story.. Judging him for things which he POSSIBLY may not have done, was all the reasons for him to leave.. Like i said, i always sabotage my own happiness.. I think i concentrate on being happy and having a perfect relationship that i don't even see how imperfect the relationship really is.. Wolverine made a really good point, maybe the problem lies with me.. "You know what Wolv, i think you're absolutely right.. Though you prefer not to interfere, but i really thank you for listening to my crap.."

Letting my pride get in the way, I'd rather jeopardize the relationship i have with Angel rather than admitting my mistakes.. I realize how wrong I've been now but izzit too late? It's stupid of me to let my ego get in the way of perfecting the things i had going with Angel..

I think i had it all wrong.. I thought i was already letting go but instead I'm protecting myself even more.. I seriously can say I've fallen in love with Angel, and that's what got me so scared.. Here's the reason why.. Everytime i started falling in love with that someone, he'd leave.. I'm so scared that Angel will do the same thing to me that i developed a defense mechanism so that i will not get hurt..

Boy, was i wrong! Instead of being protected by it, the plan backfired on me and once again, i hurt myself in the process..

I didn't mean for Angel to be in the position that he's in right now, it doesn't feel great at all.. Am i being selfish by asking him to stay with me? If he's feeling so tormented and emotionally raped by being with me, then what's the point of me holding onto him? I don't wanna let him go, cause i cant.. My heart don't wanna leave him but if he tells me that he'll be much happier without me in the picture, then i guess yeah, i reluctantly but surely will set him free..

"If you love someone let him go, and if he does comes back then he's meant to be yours.." I don't know which person say this but i guess he or she is probably right.. Sometimes being selfless is the only way to go.. I can't be selfish and make him stay with me if he's not gonna be happy.. What's the point of YOU being happy if you're hurting your loved one on the way? You have to do what you have to do, you know..

The more i think about it, the more i wish i could push stop and hit rewind.. Haha, how naive.. This is the real world and what's done cannot be undone.. Trying to protect myself, i hurt the person i love most, Angel. How stupid and selfish can i be? "If i were to apologize a thousand times, will it make the problems all better?" Hardly, this isn't some fairy tales where all endings are happy endings..

If i were given another chance, i will never sabotage myself again.. I will never hurt Angel the way i did now..  And if i were to be given another chance, i will definitely treasure the relationship much more, be more appreciative of Angel..

I really wanna make the relationship with Angel work.. I feel that it's worth taking the risks, BUT DO I HAVE A SAY IN THIS?
Whatever Angel's decision is, i guess i have no other choice but to respect it.. But it's okay, I'm used to giving up my own happiness for someone else.. Yes, I'll be honest.. I will be terribly heartbroken if he chooses to leave me but I'll move on.. May be a few days, a few weeks or even a few months but I'll make it..

"Thank you dear Angel for always being there.. Thank you for not judging my ever so dysfunctional family.. Thank you for accepting my family, my friends and me.. You're the best thing that have ever happened to me in years, but i guess I'm not even worth the love you gave me.. If you have made your decision to leave, I'll say one thing to you right now.. You will always be on my mind.. I will always be right beside you cheering you on and supporting your every goals and every dreams.. Just know that for every love you lost and every problems you have, I'll be with you every step of the way.. Thank you once again.. For everything.. You'll always be my Angel of Darkness.. Take care dear.."