Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

This post have ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with Kamikaze, or pilots or even helmets. Tee hee, but i got your attention there didn't i?

When i checked my time table a day before school starts, i was happy. Seriously, i was. Ask my friends, i was telling everybody how relaxed my schedule is this semester compared to previous semesters.

I mean, what's better than having only to come to school for 3 days a week, and only having 3 core subjects with only 2 of them being exam subjects? Well Singaporean students should know how great that sounds since we're so used to having 7 examinable subjects, having to come to school for 5 days a week at 8 in the morning and only finishing at 4 in the afternoon (not including all the extra classes of course) every year for ten years.

Yeap, that's how the education system in Singapore is like. So imagine my joy when i find out that i only have to go to school for 3 days! I mean, it's gotta be more loose right? I can have more ME time right?

WRONG!

Every single week, there are important assignments due. Reports, research reports, proposals, discussion plans, presentations, graded essays. I mean yeah, i don't mind doing reports cause that's what I've been doing for my whole entire school life anyway. But not when the deadline of each assignments are so close with 10 pages of bullcrap research (not that we need it in real life anyway) and a minimum of 4000 words.

I've had it up till my neck with all the projects. I'd rather take exams than have to do reports every week for the whole semester. And please, don't even get me started on formal presentations!

The only time i did a formal presentation was during my Sociology class. It was okay but imagine the blouse, dress pants, heels and don't forget the formal hair and formal make up please! Oh yes people, my nerdy glasses too. Tee hee

Okay honestly, it's not really the project itself or the reports that is pissing me off, it's the deadline! The most important project presentation falls on 9th May!

I was really looking forward to go to Tioman to snorkel, lounge by the beach while oogling at hot guys in board shorts all day! It sucks so much cause i was looking forward to spending time with the girls (cause we will be sharing a room) and fighting with each other for mirror time and the bathroom!

Gah, the torture of it all! How can the schedule do this to me?! I'm gonna be at home all alone while they're in Tioman showing off their newly bought bikini and blatantly flirting with the hot American, British, German and even Italian guys (i know I'm exaggerating but please understand okay!)!!

I'm sorry, i have no idea how the topic got from school to a holiday getaway. Let's get back to school, shall we? Tee hee

Like i said, there's no cute freshies, no cute juniors or even lecturers! Hm, speaking of lecturer, i heard the French class lecturer is hot!

Haha, it's Wednesday and i have no class today but Nic has French class. I told him that i will see him in French class later just because i wanna see how the lecturer looks like. Nic told me he's Italian! Wee, jackpot!

Who would have though that there's an Italian lecturer in TP (there's a British guy in the Culinary School too)!

Nic have been calling me a pervert ever since school started. All this because i keep looking at guy freshies. Well that's kinda true (the looking at guys part, not the pervert part!) but it's not as if I'm stalking them!

I should eat lunch in Design school one day since all the hot guys are there. Haha

Sorry, i know nobody wanna read about school or whatnot. Haha, oh well. Till next time.

Loser, signing off!

P/S: I'M FUCKING PISSED AT MY MOM CAUSE SHE'D RATHER GO OUT WITH HER STUPID HOME-WRECKER OF A FRIEND THAN STAY HOME WITH ME, HER OWN DAUGHTER.

I believe my choice will save me from this life

Oh deary me. Look people, the previous post was just a joke. It's just one of the fun but lame post i like to blog about from time to time. You readers already know that right.

I don't really want any of the guys to be mine. I mean, of course i don't really mind if it really happens but the thing is, I'm still living in reality and I'm still pretty much sober. I know i can't possible have any of them as my boyfriend,i was just having fun from the post. They're celebrities, I'm sure you all have celebrity crushes from time to time.

Gah, enough about that.

After a week of school, there's a cute guy in one of my classes (not gonna say which class just incase schoolmates read this). Finally! Haha. Too bad though, he's kinda short and I'm pretty sure he's attached. Well whatever, i find him cute. I don't really talk to him though but we've been stealing glances once in a while. Tee hee!

Where should i start.

I wanna apologize to guys that I've been rejecting for the past week or so. They're nice, sweet, charming (I'm a sucker when guys can make me smile to myself okay, so shut up!) and a little persistent (though some a little more than others) but I'm just not in the mood to go on dates.

What?! You all don't believe me? Okay fine, I'll tell you the real reason. The reason why i don't wanna go on dates is because I'm broke. There I've said it! Happy now?! No haha, I'm just kidding.

Seriously I'm just too tired to go on dates and hoping that one of the guys I'm on a date with is my Mr Right Now. I'm sure you girls know how it is. When you think that everything's going fine and you go on that second or even third date when suddenly everything's going downhill and you just can't point a finger on what actually went wrong.

But hey, I'm definitely not looking for a serious relationship right now. Believe it or not, I'm kinda liking the single life and i don't think i wanna give it up just yet.

I don't know, really.

I guess one of the reason why i wanna stay single is probably cause i don't wanna fall hard for anyone at the moment. The last time i did, i got my heart smashed.

Let's not talk about that incident again okay. *smiles*

Violet is right when she told me to fall for someone who is physically there instead of just someone over the internet, or those I've not met. I mean, i do fall for guys in real life but most of them turned out to be a waste of time. I must admit though that there are guys that is worth being serious with but for some reason or another, it didn't work out.

I know what Violet said make sense but sometimes you just can't help but just fall for that person. No matter how you people deny it, we do open up more when we can't see that person we're talking to and you know that when they like you it's not because of the way you look. You can just feel the connection between you two and you feel completely comfortable being you true self with him.

What I'm trying to say is that, i did not reject those guys because of what happened (or didn't happen) between Rob and me.

I just don't have feelings for some of them and i think it's selfish if i accept their date and keep leading them on by making them think that they have a chance with me. For those i have feelings for, i just don't wanna waste their time by being with them when i can't give them a hundred percent.

I guess the most logical reason for me right now is that i don't wanna waste my time dating and then realizing that they're just like everyone else. I don't wanna spend months or years being with someone and then realizing that we're not meant for each other.

Believe me, my decision have nothing to do with Rob, or Paul, or Ryan or anyone in between.

I mean, yeah sure sometimes i do feel lonely when i see my friends holding hands with their significant others. And yeah sure, i do sometimes think about what could have happen between Paul and me, or Rob, or even Ryan (if we ever give the relationship another shot). Of course, sometimes i do wish i have someone special but that doesn't mean i have to accept every guys that asked me out. It also doesn't mean that i have to force myself to like someone or be with someone that i know will just hurt me like all the others before.

You all get what i mean?

I know I've been flirting here and hitting on guys there but I'm just having fun. Because of that, SOME people (you know who you are) asked me if I'm already over Rob.

To be honest, i was pissed (you all already know about the heartbroken part). Not because he chose her, but more to the fact that it happened so abruptly.

We promised each other to tell whenever either of us have stopped having feelings for the other but he never told me. But I've already dismissed that thought cause i guess he did make a valid point when he said it's impossible for us to be together. Hey, when someone already say that, what else can you do right?

I can't possibly force him to not stop having feelings for me. You get what i mean?

I still like him, but I'm starting to look at him more as a friend (no matter how much i hate  doing that!), instead of someone who made my stomach flutter (also the fact that i don't do attached guys). Haha.

Things are working out between him and the girlfriend so he did make the right decision by choosing the other girl. Well, i guess it's high time that i forget about everything that happened between him and me huh?

Well, you know the feeling when your heart tells you not to let go but you know you have to. It's not really a predicament, it's just a little harder.

It's okay but i have to address something he said though, about me not being optimistic and not having faith about the situation.

All i have to say is that, if i wasn't being hopeful, i wouldn't reject the guys that showed interest in me and try to be happy without him in the picture during that period of time. If i didn't think that we were possible, i wouldn't have thought about making a university in Michigan as my first choice.

Yeah that's over anyway. Rob and me will always have that little thing going on but too bad, I'm not THE thing.

It's okay though, I've kinda already accepted the situation.

BUT

Forever and ever, he'll always be my Cutest Bassist Ever! That's one thing that will never ever change, this i promise. *smiles*

Jeesh, i don't know how it got to that. I'm just trying to answer why i keep rejecting guys. Well, now you know!

I want a man by my side, not a boy who runs and hide

Okay i have something to confess. It's not really important but it's just something that i need to say or else I'll be uncomfortable for my whole entire week!

Here goes.

I have a crush on someone. Well not exactly A crush, and not exactly someONE either cause I'm kinda attracted to more than one person.

I know, i shouldn't fall for someone who I've ever met especially after the Rob incident (something I'd rather forget but well, you guys know how it is! haha). It's just that, they're just so adorable and really dreamy.

This is gonna sound really superficial an extremely shallow but I'm really attracted to them physically. The face, the body and probably cause they're rich too.

I've always liked cute nerd (the geeky glasses, the awkwardness and the brain!), mentioned that a few times in my blog too, and I've never really go for the sportsmen type (though i really love basketball players and motorcross racers! tee hee).

Okay, enough about that. I know I'm betraying the nerd population (as what Alistair said, haha) by being attracted to these guys cause they look like the types who will stuff that cute nerd in the locker if he refuses to do their homework for them (well two of them look like it anyway).

Well i guess you all wanna know who they are right? I'm sorry okay, but i really can't help it. I can't stop it willingly when i have feelings for someone. You all know how loyal i can be but liking these guys make me feel like I'm betraying myself (i know nobody cares, but i do!).

Whatever, I'm gonna tell you all who there are now. Hope you all won't kill me for this.

David Cook

Did you all watch American Idol? I did (of course, i wouldn't miss it)! I don't know why some people don't like him but i adore him! Especially during Mariah Carey week!

You know the song playing right now? That's my baby! Haha. Yeah my heart melts when he sang it. Tee hee!

Teuku Wisnu

What can i say? Just look at him! *grins* I wanna make him mine!

Evan Sanders

Rumored to be gay but who cares right?! Look at him, he can totally be the fireman in all my wet dreams!

Haha, there you go! I know they're not really real people i know. But hey, atleast i didn't lie yah? I did say i don't know them, i just didn't mention that they don't know me too! Tee hee

Look at their faces closely. If you're really as observant, tell me what similarities they possess!

Haha, happy trying! Toodles!

Cos' it's nine in the afternoon

The night before school really sucked. I can't sleep (well I'm not blaming anyone for the change in my body clock). I started tossing and turning in bed, forcing myself to fall asleep. I was so uncomfortable and damn fidgety in bed, i even covered my face with MattSanders but i still couldn't fall asleep so i decided to watch a little bit of tele (i know that was a really bad idea).

I guess somehow i fell asleep but everyone knows that I'm a VERY light sleeper that even the most faintest sound can wake me up. The cats were making so much noise outside my window, my brother keep knocking on my bedroom door. Even the sound of the freaking windchime woke me up. After being woken up by the sounds, it was so hard for me to get back to sleep.

Even when i did fell asleep, I'll wake up abruptly after half an hour and this continues throughout the night until 6:58am (i purposely set my alarm at that time cause i know I'll somehow convince myself to take another 2 mins of sleep). Okay call me a pig, go ahead. I can be when i want to.

Here's the most bizarre thing ever (well just because it don't happen often, maybe even never), i got up before the alarm went off! Haha, just a couple of mins or so.

Anyway! First day of school was so boring! Firstly, there's not a single hot guys at all! Not even a cute geek! What's up with the people nowadays! All the hot stuffs are in Design school! Secondly, my brain was too tired to hold any real information that is being taught in lectures.

I know, I'm supposed to be learning something new instead of having a mental shut down. Just in case you all don't know, i did learn something!

Did you know that the pressure of a human suction is about 400mbar? I bet you didn't! Haha, well except for those who already knew. I'm sure it gives you something to ponder about when you're giving your boyfriend a blowjob tonight! I'm just kidding!

Oh and also, did you know that the highest number of robots used, is in the car industry? Yeah, i didn't know that but now i do! Finally! Something i love! CARS! (Okay, too many exclamation point!) The lecturer was talking about racing and drifting (irrelevant to the lesson but who cares!).

So it shows that i really did learn something new! Tee hee

Oh by the way, i totally saw Arun smiling to himself while reading a text message! I wonder if it's a dirty one, haha. Anyway, he didn't even realized that i was walking beside him! Gahness you, haha.

Oh! First day of school doesn't free you from any drama. I wasn't involve in it of course, just some coursemates of mine who are in the same project group. Seriously, get over it already! It was the same problem when she's in other project groups. I don't know, whatever. I'd rather not get involve in it either way.

Well, write you next time. Muacks!

P/S: Somebody buy me some tickets to the drift racing on 27th April, pleaseee.

Too many plans, too little time

Can you believe it? It just feels like yesterday when i just started my major project.

If you people forgot, there's this point of time where i keep bitching about being in the lab for too long and doing the same thing over and over again, while shamelessly exhibiting my workstation to everyone. Remember?

Well that's over and now i can't wait for the new semester to start. I'll be starting my Option Block core subjects this coming Monday, 21st April 2008. Oh dear, and we all know what that means. Yup! New books, new class, new lecturers and oh hopefully, new beginnings.

Haha, yeah probably too much to ask for a new beginning but it's a new semester! Bring in the hot guys already! Haha, I'm just kidding.

There were a few cute guys in my previous classes but please, totally not my type. I'm pretty sure I'm not their type either. They go for the tall, skinny, and pretty girls. Club, drink and smoke. Guess what?! Haha, I'm not all that.

Yeah whatever, let's not talk about them. I'll never date someone from the same class anyway, so that's not really a problem.

Oh freak! I actually can't wait for school to reopen!I know! I'm a nerd, admitting my love for school publicly. Tee hee. Well what can i say, education rocks!

I know this seems to soon but i really can't wait to graduate! If everything goes well, and i really hope it does, I'll be graduating on October this year! I can't believe it's been nearly three years since i started my diploma course.

Wow, really? Have it already been three years? It's ridiculous how time flies and before i know it, I'm gonna be walking up that stage to get my diploma.

Oh the joy! The horror of having your shoes and your clothes totally mismatching the curtains on stage! Oh my goodness, after that day your life is totally gonna change. You have to find a job, get into a university and just try to find ways to pay for your school fees.

Until now i have no idea what I'm gonna do. Well i do have a few plans but i just don't know which one to execute right now. I guess maybe when the time is nearer, the decision will be clearer.

I guess I'm gonna need some of your help. Just to advice me on which plan sounds best.

Let's start!

PLAN A
Well, this one kinda make sense cause this plan is for me to further my studies and get into a university.

The problem? I just don't know which university to go to. Been doing a little research, local universities and the ones overseas but i still can't make up my mind. And of course! The money i need to pay for the school fees, transportation and the lodging if i go to an overseas one.

Mom said she wanna live in London for a few years, and I'm thinking of looking for a university there but gah, i don't know anyone there! Where are we gonna live, you know? What if we get into trouble or anything?

And then there's McMaster in Canada. Haha, if i get into that school, Alistair promised to take care of me! Aww, ain't that sweet. Tee hee, thanx buddy, i hope the offer still stands just incase i do get into that school. You know what that means?! Haha, you're so driving me to and from school everyday! You all know how much i can save on transport and rent?! Sounds tempting!

Well basically Plan A is to continue with my studies. Get a degree, masters, advanced diploma and hopefully a doctorate!

PLAN B
I'm gonna find a job after getting my diploma. Gonna work and save up for a car, and other important stuff. Do a part time degree course after two years and then find a better job with a better pay. Gonna buy a bigger house for my family to live in and just get on with life.

Hopefully I'll have a boyfriend by then! Haha!

PLAN C
Work, work work work work. Save up for a driving license, a car and gotta give mom and dad some pocket money. I'm also thinking of adopting a baby, or maybe two. Haha

PLAN D
Marry a rich tycoon and live it up like a fucking rockstar.

Somehow Plan D sounds really good. Haha, but what are the odds of me finding a rich guy that will fall head over heels in love with me? Infinitesimal to nothing.

Well unless that German guy from Violet's workplace decide to give little old me a chance, i guess i have to do it the old fashion way. Haha i don't know.

What do you guys think? Your opinions are much needed right now. Thanx!

P/S: Anybody know how i can be a volunteer to help those countries who have been hit by natural disasters? No? Okay, never mind!

I'll be damned if you count me in as part of your generous hypocrisy collecting enemies

I think every single one of my friends know that I'm a fan of talent shows. Be it So You Think You Can Dance or Making The Band, but of course my favourite is and will always be American Idol.

I mean, yeah sure Americans would rather make a superficial vote rather than voting on the contestants' talents but i have to admit that it's pretty entertaining especially with Simon Cowell as one of the judges! Haha. I find honest guys very sexy but that's beside the point. Tee hee

Anyway, a few days back i was watching Idol Gives Back. I don't know about you people but i was crying non stop to the video appeal thingy. Okay, so much for me trying to stop being nice. Haha, who am i kidding right? I mean, I'm a nice person, i can never be mean.

Well i can, but only to people who deserve it. And once again, that's not my point.

You know, I've been thinking about it. Why the hell are we complaining about out standards of living when there's really nothing to complain about?

You know what i mean?

Some complain about not having enough money to buy that 56inch flat screen HD ready television, or not having enough shoes when there are people out there who don't even have enough to buy a piece of bread.

Seriously, if we're not so occupied with our own conceited lives, I'm pretty sure we'll be more aware of what is happening in society. Nobody is ever contented with what they have and they keep wanting more. Even when they know that they already have everything, there's still something else that they want.

I find it terribly inhumane that those people who have keep capitalizing on those who don't. It's human nature i know but it's just wrong that the rich keep getting richer and the poor get taken advantage of.

Do you people get what I'm trying to say? I mean, have you seen the living conditions they have to survive in? It's just heartbreaking. Nobody deserves to be in that kinda place. Nobody deserve to eat, sleep, live in that kinda filth.

Even dogs and cats live in better shelters than them and it's freaking ridiculous!

Well, everyone knows how important my family is to me, especially my parents. It just makes me nauseous seeing how badly some people treat their parents. I'm sorry but those type of people will never know how much their parents mean to them until they're gone. Well after that, it'll be too late isn't it?

Believe it or not, I've always had a soft spot for orphans or kids that were abandoned by their parents. I just get very emotional when i see kids fend for themselves cause they're so fragile, and so innocent and you can just see that they need someone to guide them. But then at the same time, i really admire their ability to move on and carry on with their lives normally.

I guess i should learn from them. Pardon me, i mean we. We should all learn from them.

We're so caught up trying to outdo one another that we forget about the simple things in life. We're too caught up with the fact that nothing is good enough for us, always wanting the best things that we forget about things that really matter.

It's kinda inspiring for me to see those people who basically have nothing, see happiness in the littlest things ever, like a stick or a seashell. We keep complaining about the things we don't have that we fail to see the things that we already have.

Why not, rather than spending all those money on stupid diamond studded dog tags, or a pair of silver Aldo heels or that useless top that you'll only probably gonna wear once, wouldn't you rather help those in poverty, who have no basic necessities whatsoever.

It's just a tragedy to see selfish people living amongst us. It makes me sick knowing that there are people who really don't give a rats ass about what's happening to the people outside their social circle.

From now on, i am gonna start loving my life no matter how much it's falling apart. I'm gonna stop thinking about the things i don't have and start cherishing and be contented with everything that i already have.

I'm gonna live one day at a time and take every single opportunity that i have to make a difference.

There's just too much suffering, hate and brutality going on that there's no place for me to be weak. I'm gonna be strong and not let any negativity bring me down or break me again.

Thank you.

To everyone who looked down on me, to every single one of you who have hurt me so deep, to all you guys out there who thought that my heart is just another toy for you to play with, and of course to those who have never believed in me. Thank you so much for making me stronger, a fighter.

Believe me, I'm gonna do whatever it takes to change the society we live in. I'm gonna do whatever it takes to help those who needs me.

Just you wait, I'm gonna make it. *smiles*

[this is gonna be the part where i make a dramatic exit by driving off in my Eco-friendly, carbon dioxide-free car, ha just kidding]

Gets rid of all the pain of being a man

I don't have anything against anyone so don't assume that i write my blogs based on you or other people. I'm pretty sure i have better things to do.

Nobody owes me any explanation about anything. Don't give me crappy shits trying to justify why you do the things you do. It's your life and I'm no one so you all can do whatever the hell you all wanna do with it.

Stop your bullshit sympathy. I don't need all this "aww" or "you'll be okay" from anyone.

Don't pretend you're sorry or apologize a million times for hurting or disappointing me. Whatever seriously, had enough.

Don't pretend that you care when you actually don't.

And lastly, nobody is obligated or being forced at gun point to read this monotonous and unintelligent blog of mine.

Though i sincerely thank those who really cared, really loved, really protected me. And also those who read my blog no matter how lame it might be.

I'll make a beast out of myself

ARYNNE IS GONNA BE THE BIGGEST WHORE THAT EVER GRACE THIS PLANET!

I've been too nice for too long, it's time for me to be selfish and think about me instead of other people. I'm gonna stop being depressed and start having fun.

I'm gonna flirt my ass off and gonna make out with every single guy that show interest in me. Forget about being loyal, fuck trying to stay faithful. Ha, honestly, until now no guy is worthy of my heart or me

I'm sick of having my heart broken, I'm sick of being disappointed over and over again. Not matter what they say, I'm always gonna end up alone while they happily move on to another person.

Hey it's not their fault. I mean, what am i thinking believing every word they say. They are, afterall, a guy.

I'm starting to think that there are no such thing as a nice, different guy. All guys are the same, liars and not forgetting, promise breakers.

I'm never gonna trust guys, especially the ones that claimed themselves to be a 180 stereotype guys of playing around and being jackasses. The ones that PROMISED to never let you down and break your heart, the ones that PROMISED to do whatever it takes for you two to be together.

Especially the ones that make you laugh and smile and claimed that you make them happy. Sounds too good to be true? Guess what, maybe they are.

I'm gonna numb myself and start building that wall around my heart again, until someone worthy comes along. I'm gonna stop finding somebody to take care of me, and start waiting for someone who needs me.

I know that's gonna be a long time, or maybe it's not even gonna happen. So screw Prince Charming. Give me a guy with tattoos and an attitude.

I'm gonna have my fun now and not let anymore mother fuckers break me down.

Mummy was right, and Daddy is the only guy who truly cares.

Yowzaa

OH MY GOODNESS, ARYNNE IS SO AWESOMEEEE.

Haha, don't mind me. Lol, i think I've been eating so much chocolate ice cream that I'm beginning to become loco. Tee hee

But i like it, sooo good! Tee hee.

Hazel, Sally and Amy! Thanx for your text messages. You girls rock my bed so hard! The best orgasms I've ever had. Lol

No, I'm just kidding. Ermm, I'm fine and i miss you girls like kerazee too! Let's do another one of those last minute, aimless girl's night out again! Let's go have supper!

I'm gonna hug and kiss you girls so much, you all are gonna beg me to stop! Lol

Okay, haha I'm gonna go watch some Indonesian soap opera now!

I don't deserve to fall this way, by a man who've been betrayed

I feel a little fucked up right now, cause I'm not someone who break her promise.

I promised to be there for you but I've been thinking, why should i? Why should i help you when you already have someone else to be there for you? Why should i be there for you when i know you already have someone to fall back on?

Sure, i can if you want me to.

But tell me, who's gonna be there for me when i need someone? Who's gonna be there for me when i feel so stressed up and on the verge of a break down? Who's gonna be the one that will pat me on the back and tell me everything's gonna be alright when everything falls apart? Who's gonna save me?

Honestly, i don't know. One thing I'm very sure of is that i know it's not gonna be you.

I'm being difficult? Haha, i don't think so.

You understand? Wow, really? You do? What exactly do you understand then? Tell me, I'm very curious to know what you understand from all this.

Tell me cause i really don't.

What have i ever do to you that you have to do this to me? What wrong have i done to you for you to think that i deserve whatever you did to me?

Why did you ever tell me you have feelings for me when all the while you already liked her? Why did you ever let me fall for you when you have no intention of catching me?

So tell me cause i really don't understand.

What do you think i am? A ragdoll? A marionette? I'm not a ball you can kick around. Be there for you when you need it but toss it away to a corner when you find a better ball to play with.

I've never felt so much rage towards someone as much as i have for you. Don't promise me happiness when you know that you can't keep it. Don't give me hope about us being together when you yourself think that it's not possible.

What is wrong with you? You lied to me, break your promises and worse, you hurt me. Real deep.

Your words are just sweet nothings. Your care and your concern are nothing more than just false encouragements. Worse still, your laughs and smiles are all fake.

I feel used. Cheated. Betrayed.

I can't believe you told me you hated your ex girlfriends for leaving you, for lying to you, for cheating on you when you did the same thing. What is wrong with you?

If this is your way of proving to yourself that you're as normal as a normal guy can be, if all you ever wanna do from the start was hurt me and break my heart..

Congratulations Robert Popma, you're just like all the rest. The only difference is, you make me think you're different.

I hope you're proud of yourself for being able to hurt someone so much. I hope you're happy with how things turned out.

I'm so scared of myself cause I've never hated someone so much to wish bad things to happen to them. I could wish for her to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. I could wish for her to leave you so you know how it feels like to have your happiness and hopes forcefully taken away from you.

But I'll never wish that. Not to you. As much as i hate to admit it, i do still care for you. I do still have you in my heart and in my mind.

I ought to be shot. No, i deserve worse than that. Someone should just ram my head on the wall whenever i think about you. Someone should just prod me in the eye with a rusty needle everytime i cry about you.

Seriously, someone just push me off the roof. Maybe then will i find my little piece of heaven.

I'm sorry for ever trusting you. I'm sorry for ever believing in you. I'm sorry for ever thinking that you're one that can make me smile, laugh, blush and giggle. I'm sorry for ever giving you my heart.