I don't deserve to fall this way, by a man who've been betrayed

I feel a little fucked up right now, cause I'm not someone who break her promise.

I promised to be there for you but I've been thinking, why should i? Why should i help you when you already have someone else to be there for you? Why should i be there for you when i know you already have someone to fall back on?

Sure, i can if you want me to.

But tell me, who's gonna be there for me when i need someone? Who's gonna be there for me when i feel so stressed up and on the verge of a break down? Who's gonna be the one that will pat me on the back and tell me everything's gonna be alright when everything falls apart? Who's gonna save me?

Honestly, i don't know. One thing I'm very sure of is that i know it's not gonna be you.

I'm being difficult? Haha, i don't think so.

You understand? Wow, really? You do? What exactly do you understand then? Tell me, I'm very curious to know what you understand from all this.

Tell me cause i really don't.

What have i ever do to you that you have to do this to me? What wrong have i done to you for you to think that i deserve whatever you did to me?

Why did you ever tell me you have feelings for me when all the while you already liked her? Why did you ever let me fall for you when you have no intention of catching me?

So tell me cause i really don't understand.

What do you think i am? A ragdoll? A marionette? I'm not a ball you can kick around. Be there for you when you need it but toss it away to a corner when you find a better ball to play with.

I've never felt so much rage towards someone as much as i have for you. Don't promise me happiness when you know that you can't keep it. Don't give me hope about us being together when you yourself think that it's not possible.

What is wrong with you? You lied to me, break your promises and worse, you hurt me. Real deep.

Your words are just sweet nothings. Your care and your concern are nothing more than just false encouragements. Worse still, your laughs and smiles are all fake.

I feel used. Cheated. Betrayed.

I can't believe you told me you hated your ex girlfriends for leaving you, for lying to you, for cheating on you when you did the same thing. What is wrong with you?

If this is your way of proving to yourself that you're as normal as a normal guy can be, if all you ever wanna do from the start was hurt me and break my heart..

Congratulations Robert Popma, you're just like all the rest. The only difference is, you make me think you're different.

I hope you're proud of yourself for being able to hurt someone so much. I hope you're happy with how things turned out.

I'm so scared of myself cause I've never hated someone so much to wish bad things to happen to them. I could wish for her to hurt you as badly as you hurt me. I could wish for her to leave you so you know how it feels like to have your happiness and hopes forcefully taken away from you.

But I'll never wish that. Not to you. As much as i hate to admit it, i do still care for you. I do still have you in my heart and in my mind.

I ought to be shot. No, i deserve worse than that. Someone should just ram my head on the wall whenever i think about you. Someone should just prod me in the eye with a rusty needle everytime i cry about you.

Seriously, someone just push me off the roof. Maybe then will i find my little piece of heaven.

I'm sorry for ever trusting you. I'm sorry for ever believing in you. I'm sorry for ever thinking that you're one that can make me smile, laugh, blush and giggle. I'm sorry for ever giving you my heart.