The kiss of an Angel

Well here i am again.. Ha, i seriously have self-esteem issues when it comes to relationships..

Worked things out with Angel about the contacting with the ex thingy.. The thing is, i don't see the reason why Angel have to be so insecure about me contacting my ex.. So what if his other bullshits ex screwed him or played him, if he thinks I'm gonna do that same thing to him too then he clearly don't know me.. I don't even wanna get hurt, who in the right mind would wanna hurt the person they love and care most about? The issue here is about trust.. Why be together if we don't have that mutual trust with each other.. You get what i mean?

I'm very faithful when I'm in a relationship.. Yah i have lots of male friends, but which girl doesn't? I may flirt with other guys or what but that doesn't mean I'm interested in them.. Sheesh.. Seriously there's nothing to feel so insecure about..

I'm glad we've worked THAT thing out..

Well, i don't know if it's just me but i feel like our relationship is not what it's used to be.. I feel as if I'm losing Angel day by day, him slipping away through my fingers.. Maybe it's my paranoia, i don't know but it's like we're falling apart every minute.. It's a weird feeling now that i may have started to really fall in love.. Haha, it's a strong word i know but you know, feelings develop.. Oh well, life goes on i guess..

Like all my other exs, he plays hot and cold.. One day he can be the most sweetest and gentlemanly guy you could ever fall in love with, and the next minute he's giving me the cold treatment.. Totally unfeeling and uncaring.. It's like a roller-coaster ride you know, only this time you don't know when the roller-coaster is going up or down.. It's like going on a roller-coaster ride blind folded.. Yah, you get what i mean.. Haha..

Maybe it's him, but then again maybe it's my self-esteem issues.. Sometimes i do need re-assurance that he's into this relationship as much as i am.. That he's serious about me and not treating me like his 'transition girl' after his break up with his ex which isn't even half a year ago.. Is it wrong to feel this way?

I have to keep wondering to myself, 'Does he still wanna be with me?', 'Is he already bored of me?'.
A friend told me that we have communication problem.. He also said that sometimes i need to ask myself what i can do to make Angel happy.. Is it really all about the guys when it comes to relationship?

The truth is, i really don't wanna lose him.. Sounds emotional i know but yeah, those family members and friends who knows thoroughly what my life is about will know why it's really hard for me to fall in love, why it's hard for me to be too laid back when I'm in a relationship.. So don't judge me..

Once again i say, i so don't wanna lose him.. He brought back my laughs and my laughter.. Even my quirkiness is back.. My actions are more genuine now and not fake like how it's used to be.. Confession, I'll be crushed if this relationship never work out.. But till then, we'll see..