You've got alot to learn, well so do i and we've got plenty of time

There was a time in my life when i feel like everything was closing in on me, and everyone was against me. I hated my life then.

It's not easy cause everything i do, everywhere i go, i feel as if I'm being scrutinized. It's not helping when the friends i was hanging out with was oblivious to the fact that other people do have problems too. I mean, sure i do try to listen to their problems too but unlike them, some people have REAL problems, most of it didn't include rejection from boys. Neither did it include what top to buy at the next sale.

I sometimes think that they really have no other problems except boys (or anything else with penis.. go figure!)

Ever since primary school all the way up to secondary school, I've never been comfortable with my own skin. I can't be who i really am with the girls i used to hang out with. They can never accept me fully cause i was never considered acceptable in the eyes of society (be it about looks or the way i think). I made enemies with the way i think, and people hate for being brutally honest.

I was confused. Aren't friends supposed to accept you for who you are? Aren't friends supposed to be honest with each other, and not tell even a little white lie?

Everything used to matter, who's the pretty one, who's the smart one, or who's the most  popular amongst boys. Is that all that matter, really?

Whatever, i used to feel so suffocated with everything. Everything i do doesn't seem right.

But now.

Everything is so far away from me. Everything and everyone just look so big and it feels like i bear no significance whatsoever. I feel so lost now.

I really don't know what I'm gonna do with my life. Seriously. It just seems like I've been nothing but a failure. Everything i ever wanted is so near but it's just so far from my grasp. I really don't know what else to do.

Hard work, perseverance, determination and lots of patience? Ha, nothing.

It's just stupid you know. Once, just once, i wanna know what it feels like to achieve something and the pride of getting what i want.

You see, I've never been lucky. Socially, academically, financially, in life and even in love. Never. I bring luck to everybody else around me but Lady Luck never seem to be on my side.

No way, I'm not even gonna start talking about guys. Everybody knows how it is for me with boys anyway. I ALWAYS fall for the ones i can't get. It's either that guys treat me like one of them or the guys i want, don't want me back (Ryan, Alex, and the likes of them are not included!). Nobody really thinks I'm worth it anyway. Yeah, what's new right. *roll eyes*

Gah, why the fuck am i complaining again?! I know I'm supposed to be happy with what i have but the voice in my head is making me feel worthless. Whatever you know. Just incase i decide to take my own life tonight (but i doubt it'll happen), you all do take care and do miss me! *hugs and kisses*

By the way, my left butt cheek hurts like hell. I don't know what happened but it feels like i fell (but i don't really remember falling) hard on my butt. Alistair told me that probably i sat too much. But only on the left side? Haha, who sits like that?

K, no more depressing post after this. And yes friends, I'm okay. Don't worry, it's just one of those days.