I want something more than this, i've given all i can give

Oh my gosh, you guys....

Stop it okay, I'm fine. I don't know what i did or say to make you people thing that I'm not. I mean yeah, I'm a little stressed with everything going on but i assure you all that I'm gonna be fine. It'll blow over.

Being in final year is kinda disrupting my social life a little but hey, it's okay. We all have to sacrifice something to get what we want right? It's not as if i gave up on my friends, i jut have lesser time for them now. Kinda sucks a little. That doesn't mean i don't think about them, of course i do. I know they'll understand cause we're all busy with our own job or school.

Oh stop it, i don't have time to date. I don't even have time to ogle at guys. Bear in mind that there are alot of cute guys in TP, and of course in the bus. So just imagine how busy i am when i even think about reports on my way to school. Haha, i need a new life.

How long haven't i talked about guys huh? I'm starting to miss talking about boys. Haha, sorry. I'm a girl so it's normal to talk about guys i think. Tee hee.

Honestly, i don't really think about being in a relationship. I mean, sure of course i do want to be in one but since I'm not, I'm not really thinking about it. You know what i mean?

It's just in my nature to be a one-man woman (haha, sounds so woo right?). I don't know, i probably grew up always looking up to my dad as he's so loyal and faithful to my mom. Here's something that not alot of people know about me, when i like someone or in a relationship with someone, i am totally devoted.

Well it does seem like i flirt around with other people but i actually don't. Anyhoo, sorry for the side track.

As i was saying, I'll be totally devoted to that someone. I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, seriously. It's like, i know it's a good thing to be loyal and faithful on a whole but that characteristic of mine can totally work against me.

Like right now for instance.

I'm not gonna repeat it, you all know my situation right now. Even though Robert hurt me badly that time, i still can't stop myself from having feelings for him. You know, the incident isn't really his fault. Maybe i over-reacted or something but i guess no one's to blame for that, so let's not talk about that. Sorry for side tracking again. Haha (been doing it alot haven't i?).

Okay, what you guy already know or how much i hate to admit it, i still like Robert. This time I'm gonna be honest with everybody, (and even to myself) I've never really stopped liking him. I like the fact that he can make me laugh without having to try too hard, make me smile to myself even if we're talking about the same thing, and how much he seemed to care about what I'm going through. I like the attention he gives me, i guess that's why i got so attached to him and started expecting more out of the "friendship" when i shouldn't be expecting anything at all.

I don't know. The past few days, it seems like we're always arguing, even over a trivial matter. Maybe it's the stress of school or life in general. You know, the kinda squabble couples have when they're about to break up, the only difference is we're not a couple and we'll never be. It just don't feel like how we used to be, more carefree and more jovial. I guess I'm still holding on to that false hope that one day life will sympathize with me and see that i deserve to have what i want.

I hate this. So much. I hate getting myself into situations i can't handle, especially when it comes to the affairs of the heart. I don't blame Robert really, i actually blame myself for the predicament I'm in now. Maybe i put my heart into it a little too much, and i happen to like him more than i planned to. See, it's my own doing.

I guess i read too much into how nice he treated me and mistook his care and concern for something else. Maybe once again, I'm asking too much when i shouldn't be asking anything at all.

ALISTAIRRRRRRRRRR! WHERE ARE YOU!?!?!?!!!!!!

I miss talking to him now that he's away for a four day trip with his family. It's his birthday this Saturday, too bad i can't celebrate it with him. I always have his ears whenever i think too much about this Robert situation and he's always there with some sarcastic remarks for me and we'll laugh about it. I just need to talk to him right now.

Alistair told me to stop having feelings and stop talking to Robert. Ryan said he's not worth it and i should open up my heart to other guys who really wanna be with me. My girlfriends told me to forget about him and find someone else, and Violet was even mad at him about that incident.

Truthfully, i know they're right. They're right when they say i should forget about him, but i don't want to. He's a great friend and i feel happy whenever i talk to him. I appreciate every little thing he does for me, to help me forget about my problems.

I think i see my problem now. I've grown too attached to him and almost dependent to his attention. Oh my goodness, what have i gotten myself into. I really wanna forget about my feelings for him, you know since he said it's impossible for us to be together because of the distance and there's nothing either of us can do about it. I should take it as a sign that he don't like me, right?

Sigh, i hate being all melancholy and cry-baby ish about this. That's nature i guess. When you have problems in every aspect of your life, and you can't do anything to make it better, you just can't help but cry and hope that you'll feel better after that. It doesn't work with this.

I guess i have to give him up, huh?

P/S: I'm hesitating. I don't want to.

RYANNNNN, FEEDZZZ, LISAAAAAA! LET'S GO OUT NOW!!!