True story..

There are not that many people that i can talk to whom i actually trust not to have my words repeated to another person.

Worse still, the exaggerated version of what i said.

In short, there's really no one that i can fully trust. Sad.

A million and one things running through my head

It's 3 am and i still can't get to sleep.

Miss looking at these skylines. :))

 

View from Quay West Hotel, Auckland, New Zealand         

 View from somewhere in a farm up in Kaitaia, New Zealand

As you slowly go insane...

Did you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t you anymore? If you were suddenly gone, how would your world react?

Whatever you imagined is wrong.

There’s nothing romantic about death. Grief is like the Ocean. It’s deep and dark and bigger than all of us. And pain is like a thief in the night. Quiet. Persistent. Unfair. Diminished by time and faith and love.

That's right.

I'm a strong girl who keeps her stuff in line. Even when i have tears going down my face, i always manage to say those two words, "I'm fine".

"In my whole life, no one has ever looked at me the way that you do. No one has ever, touched my face or brushed my hair out of my eyes like you do. And maybe this is really selfish but, it’s not just you I’m going to miss. It’s the way I feel when I’m with you that I’m going to miss even more."

Shelby Merrick, “Higher Ground” 

It's okay not to be alright...

People smile when they want to cry, they laugh when they want to scream and shout. They pretend like nothing is wrong because they dont want to face the truth. Things aren't always rainbows and butterflies, sometimes you gotta scream and cry your angers and sadness to the world, because you can only hold it in for so long before something in you snaps. 

So when you want to cry, cry. When you want to scream, scream. Don't hide behind fake smiles. 

You can never tell what people are thinking and feeling unless they tell you, and usually they lie. You ask them, “Whats wrong?” and they say “Nothing.”

To all men taking part in Movember!

Bearded men together in November! Real men never shave!
Stay strong, guys! It's already half a month. Hang in there.

I go back to April all the time...

Oh New Zealand, how i miss you so!

=))

Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up just the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. You learn and grow with each choice you make. Everything is worth it. Say how you feel, always. Be you, and be okay with it.

Life have become cumbersome.

Along the way, I've learned that you can’t let anyone in too far and you can’t trust endlessly. The biggest mistake you can make is to care or love someone more than yourself, because then you are just setting yourself up for disappointment. Boundaries are necessary so that you can protect yourself, because once you’re broken, you’ll never be fully fixed.

Happy Monday all.

"The odd part about being grown-up was looking back at something you thought you knew and finding out the truth of it was completely different from what you had always believed."

- Mercedes Thompson (Bone Crossed by Patricia Briggs).

True story.

Karma's only a bitch if you are.

Sunday kisses.

We don’t wish for the easy stuff. We wish for big things. Things that are ambitious, out of reach. We wish because we need help and we’re scared and we know we may be asking too much. We still wish, though, because sometimes they come true.

Finding peace..

Whenever you leave something you loved so much that meant the entire world to you, there comes a long process in reaction to it. You’re thrusted into something that feels like somewhere you’ve never been before, but it’s the exact same place you’ve been in.

The thing is you make me happy. You walked in when it seemed like the rest of the world walked out. You were there. You are there. I never need to pretend when I’m around you, when I’m talking to you, when I’m with you. You’re hilarious; you make me laugh, like, all the time. You seem to pick up that something’s wrong before anyone else does. And you know exactly what to say to make it all okay, and even if it’s only for a little while, it helps.

Sometimes your heart needs a long restart to realize how it feels to be off your sleeve, and back in your own chest.

Well.

I'm on a personal hiatus. Good bye for now.

Wash your Wednesday worry away!

You think you’re waiting for help. For someone to tell you what the right thing to do is. Even though, at the back of your mind, you already know what that is. So all you’re really waiting for, is a time when you’re forced to do it.

Sunday story.

I don’t know who I am. I’m not who I thought I was. I’m more. I’m complicated in ways I’ve never realized before. Not happy or sad, but both, and all the shades in between, all the time. I can be afraid of the melting glaciers and still turn up the air conditioning in my room. I can buy cheap jeans  and still feel sorry for exploited garment workers. I can contradict myself. I’m not supposed to be simple. I’m complicated. I’m a mess. I can think a hundred different things at once. I’m one insignificant creature and I’m the center of the universe. My existence has no meaning and my existence is its own meaning. I am therefore I am.

...

What do i do? What SHOULD i do?

Think about it.

You never know the biggest day of your life is going to be the biggest. The days you think are going to be big ones, they’re never as big as you make them out to be in your head. It’s the regular days, the ones that start out normal. Those are the days that end up being the biggest.

Another dose of Whatever Wednesday

If you cannot appreciate me, then at least stop criticizing me.

I just don't know why there are people out there who would hate me without knowing who i am. They don't even try to get to know me before passing judgment on me.

I don't care about what they think of me, really, i am just who i am. If you think for a second that whatever you say about me or do to me is gonna hurt me, believe me, you're not. You don't bear any significance in my life whatsoever, so what makes you think i am gonna even think about what you say about me.

All i can say is... Your opinion of me, doesn't define who I am. 

It's Friday.

"You’ll get over it…”  It’s the clichés that cause the trouble. 

To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don’t get over it because ‘it” is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never loses. 

 How could it? 

The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not made anodyne by death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no-one else can fit it. Why would I want them to?

I'm gonna make you Think Thursday.

You don’t know what goes on in anyone’s life but your own. And when you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can’t be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person’s life, you’re messing with their entire life. Everything…affects everything.

Sometimes, just words are not enough..

I try to talk to you, but I don’t know what to say. I am afraid you don’t want me to say anything so I don’t. But inside of me there are words waiting to come out, and tell you how I feel- like how I miss you and how I love you despite my broken heart. How I need you in my life and especially how much I want you. But those words may forever stay in my heart- locked inside. Sometimes I wonder if there are words locked inside you too… but I’ll never know.  

Whatever Wednesday

I’ll go out there and make my mistakes. I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up. I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns. I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space. I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar. Why? Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments, I want to have something worthwhile to watch, with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad. I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to. Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret, it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid. Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul. Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy. But never forget that you only get one shot. One shot at this day, one shot at this minute. One shot at this age. One shot at life. So make sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments.

...

What are we doing?

-_-

Of course i'm gonna care, of course i still get jealous.

Just like when you got jealous when your dear friend hits on me, that's how i am. 

Hm.

People haven't been very nice to me lately.

I don't know what i did to them, but yeah, it's really not very nice.

Hello.

Merry Hari Raya and Happy Aidilfitri all!

Current song obsession.

What I have in me, in the mind is you, (I would die if we were through), what I'm feeling now, what I'm having is you, (I am lost in pain without you)

(So cold, so alone)

All I have is you, it is all that I'm breathing for, all I need is you, (Now I can't make it through)

All the nights I've prayed, mostly sadly untrue, (I am not prepared to be strong), I just can't believe I am losing you, (Not prepared to carry on), (I can see you walk away)

(So cold, so alone)

All I have is you, it is all that I'm breathing for, all I need is you, (Now I can't make it through), I am losing you forever, (I am lost in pain without you), I am leaving ground forever, (Forever, forever)

(These days are foul, destiny is selecting me) (murder these thoughts, life is disconnecting me), (NOOOOOOOO), (Loving is affecting me), (count all the times you were there protecting me)

So cold, (So alone), all I have is you, it is all that I'm breathing for, all I need is you, (Now I can't make it through), I am losing you forever, (I am lost in pain without you), I am leaving ground forever, (forever), all I have is you, (It is all that I'm breathing for), all I need is you, (Now I can't make it through)

It is all that I'm breathing for, (breathing for, breathing for), (breathing for, breathing for, breathing for)

How blissful..

What is a perfect date for me?

I am really not into those movie on the first date, or the carnival, or anything like that.

For me, the perfect first date involves some action, a lot of talking and bonding, and of course just US time.

Lets cut to the chase.

I want my date to start with a quad ride on the beach to an undisclosed place. How about blindfold me on the quad? Gets me excited and my blood will be racing for sure. Hehe

At the undisclosed place, there lies a mat with a picnic basket on it. Yeap, i love picnics, especially by the beach. Please bake me a chocolate fudge cake, and have with you pasta salad. Those are my favourite picnic items. I don't mind sandwiches too.

All these while, just enjoying each other's company and talking. Getting to know each other and just be with each other. Talk until the sun sets.

P/S: I like cuddles.

Can i have a cuddle until the sun comes up??

Mightaswell

"You just have this really shitty way of looking at things, you know? I don’t have that problem. I just look at the dopeness. But you, it’s like you just look at the wackness."

*biting my tongue*

Nope, i shall not say it, tweet it, or blog about it. It shall forever be unspoken words. :))

I appreciate..

Robert Braul, you can never be more right about this.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

Well..

... it really doesn't surprise me anymore.

....

She did not know the nature of her loneliness. The only words that named it were: "This is not the world I expected."

*dies*

There are so many things to do before next week.

I haven't spring cleaned my room, so i'm assuming i'm gonna be Cinderella this weekend and clear out ALL the clutter in my room. Yeap, i have to do it, the only time to do it anyway. Haha

Gotta change some notes to smaller notes for those "kids". Gotta pay bills. Gotta buy some new bras. Woahhh, gotta do A LOT of things.

K, i'm at work now. Toorah.

Mhm.

Proved my point today. I really cannot trust anyone anymore.

Indeed.

"It has been said time heals all wounds; I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue, and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."

Rose Kennedy is one wise woman.

Something to think about...

You ever look a picture of yourself, and see a stranger in the background?. It makes you wonder how many strangers have pictures of you. How many moments of other peoples life have we been in. Were we a part of someone’s life when their dream came true or were we there when their dream died. Did we keep trying to get in? As if we were somehow destined to be there or did the shot take us by surprise. Just think, you could be a big part of someone elses life, and not even know it.

Erm.

I think i miss you.

xD

Got new hair! Shall twitpic soon!

Toorah!

Eh.

As long as we're in the topic of honesty, let ME be honest.


There was a point in time when i was falling in love, and every decisions made on that situation seemed to be the best decision i ever made. Now that i'm falling apart, i'm just thinking that maybe that was the worse decision I've ever made.


Of course, we can never foresee the future, and i'm probably gonna read back on this post one day and just think that i'm saying all these cause i'm just... sad. Upset. Mad. Whatever you guys call it.


Maybe if i haven't decided to go against my parent's wishes, maybe if i hadn't spent all those stupid 2 weeks with him (at that point of time, i was truly very happy even though he don't see it), i wouldn't have been this devastated.

Don't get me wrong, i had the most fun that two weeks with him. Appreciate all the things he did for me. The inside jokes, the breakfast tea he made for me every single morning, the always taking care of me. I love all of it, i'm not gonna deny that i had a lot of the greatest memories in those two weeks.

Of course i still love him, of course it still hurts, I'm not heartless. Yes, it's probably gonna take a freaking long time to get over him, or the relationship, especially the friendship.

You know what people, even though it hurts so badly right now knowing that he had lied to me, i genuinely hate it when people call him names or say bad things about him. At a point of time, he was the most important person in my life and he made me tremendously happy, i think it's too soon for me to hear what you guys are calling him.


So, please stop.


Abrupt end.

..

I wonder if i ever crossed your mind...

Wee

Dinner tomorrow with my two close ladies from secondary school, and yes, Linsy too. Haha

Can't wait!

Well...

Of course i still do, but it wouldn't change anything, so what's the point?

Has it ever occurred to you that maybe right now all i need is the truth, and possibly an apology?

Gosh.

I really don't know who i can trust anymore.

Can someone please make me disappear?

Update.

Getting a haircut and probably red highlights on the weekend. Pictures shall be posted if it happens. Tee hee

Yes.

Believe me, i'll be okay.

...

Really, i don't hate love. I'm just hating the situation i'm in right now.

Shall blog whenever. Bye!

Hello

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love."


P/S: I still love you, but it really doesn't matter at all anymore.

Eh.

Can't be bothered to update for the time being. Will be on a little hiatus.

Shall start blogging as and when i feel like it.

Toorah

Hola

I haven't been blogging.

So busy with the audit and everything, and i get so freaking tired once i get home. Really really. Sometimes i even fall asleep at around 10pm. Weird, i know. Shall blog pretty soon.

Anyways, Happy 45th Birthday Singapore.

The list.

I tweeted the other day that i found a list of thing i wanna do with my boyfriend once i have one. Haha it must have been like four years ago or something. I don't even remember writing anything like that. I have always liked writing lists, it calms me down and direct me to the goals i want, actually.

So anyways, I'm just gonna get on with it.

Things i wanna do:

1) Lay in bed watching CSI.
My comment: I remember not missing any single episode of CSI when i was in school. Even when it was like 11pm and i have school the next day, i still stayed up to watch it. I think I'm still a big fan of that show! Hehe

2) Play "wrestling".
My comment now: Well, i don't think it's the wrestling we see on tele. I think it's just "play fighting". Tickle wars, pillow fights, carrying each other and stuff like that. Haha oooh, the fun!

3) Go camping. Just us.
My comment now: Haha, i was a hopeless romantic even when I'm single. WTF. Though, i do love camping!

4) Lay under the stars and wait for the sunrise.
My comment now: Haha wow. Everytime i lay under the stars, i end up falling asleep. Haha probably because i do it with family. I have seen a couple of nice sunrises in my life but never with that special someone!
5) Walk on the beach.
My comment now: Well, i don't think i need to talk about this. Everyone loves a walk on the beach once in a while!

6) Cook together.
My comment now: I still adores a man who can cook! Haha

7) Hold his hand every chance i have, even for a second.
My comment now: *shudders* Haha sorry people, i LOVE holding hands. Make me feel so safe and secure.

8) Sit and just talk.
My comment now: Awwww, how sweet is that.

9) Rest my head on his chest.
My comment now: And listen to his heartbeat. <3

10) Listen to his jokes and laugh.
My comment now: Well, if it's funny, of course. Haha but somehow when you adore someone, even the lamest jokes seem funny, aye? Teehee

11) Stick up for him.
My comment now: Indeed!

12) Appreciate the small things he does.
My comment now: I still agree with this. I notice that the big things do make me smile, but it's the small things he does, that makes me insanely happy. Aww, my heart is melting thinking about it. Haha

13) Look into his eyes and smile.
My comment now: Oh my goodness, I'm a sappy person, aren't i?

Okay, well, that's all i got. Haha the other half of the paper is gone. Maybe i should do these things often, what say you?

I'm back.

I'm in Singapore now, with a huge headache, can't even get up. Could be the ferry's fault or that the weather in Tioman was very blazing hot, with cold wind, and cold beach. 

But nevertheless, i had fun with the girls, and that it was a very nice island. Though i wish there was phone network and that Boo was there, but it's okay, i still enjoyed myself.

Well, i'll blog about it soon-ish if i feel like it. Tee hee

Imma be off.

Well, the day is finally here. Off to Tioman for the weekend. Four days, from 9th to 12th, yeap.

Baby, if you're reading this, i'm gonna miss you sooooo. I could cry, i'm not even joking. It's funny, i know. Don't forget me.

Well..

If people think i'm awesome, then i must be doing something right, right? Haha

Sometimes..

.. i feel like i'm never gonna be good enough.

The standards people set for me, the standards i set for myself, especially that. 

I told you so.

Now, whoever said Germany isn't gonna make it, should really bite their own tongues. Hehe

Well, did you see? Did ya? No? Guess what?

GERMANY WON!

4-0 baby!!! Haha

Yeah, just gloating. Haha bye.

Yes, what do we do?I

I need help.

So apparently, Phil is pushing all the responsibility to me cause it was my idea. Haha

Okay, here's the thing. Phil's grandfather lives alone, i think, and i suggested sending him a care package for Christmas to show that people care about him. The thing is, i have NO idea what you put in a care package. 
Do i put cookies? Do i put presents? What do you put in a care package? Anyone ever deal with it before, can you just give me suggestions, please?

Oooh, how about ginger snaps? Can you put food in the care package? DVD?

Fun! Now i want a care package! Haha kidding. So yeah, anyone, help?

Ouch.

I'm in pain.

My butt, my hips, my thighs, my arms, my ankle, my abs, my shin. Haha everything!

I can't laugh too much cause then i can feel my tummy muscle pinching. Awesome aye! That means those intense workouts are working.

If i keep this up every week, i can look like Scarlet in no time! Haha

Eh.

I don't know what to say anymore....

I'm a material girl... NOT really.

I know, i said i will blog over the weekend, but i didn't. Go ahead, smack me, i don't mind. 
Well, it's been a while since i blogged. Not that it matters since no on reads them anymore. For those of who you still do, WHY? Haha, nah just kidding. Thanks, i guess.

Yeah, anyhoo, I've been wanting to blog about this topic for quite some time. Every time i start on it, i wouldn't know how to continue, cause it's really just my opinion.
Well, i'm just gonna go straight to the point.

Material things, branded things. We all love expensive things, especially the glorious feeling of owning one. But to be straight forward, i don't really see the point in spending more than $100 on a bag or a pair of shoes.

Hey, if you all, whoever's reading it is the type of person who do that, then go ahead. I'm just talking about my personal preference.

Especially for people who follow trends. Trends change so rapidly, sometimes even overnight. They buy things that are worth hundreds of dollars, sometimes even thousands, for the current IN thing. After the fad fades, they chuck the item one side and go on another trend spree.

No offence to people who do this, or if you can afford it, go right ahead. I'm just thinking and wondering about those people who know they cannot afford it, but save up for a bag that they will probably only use just once. Twice, the most.

I cannot fathom these people's needs to have branded goods. Is it for status? Is it just vanity? Or really just a compulsion?
Well for me, i'd rather spend the money on perfume, watches, or jewelries. I don't mind wearing cheap bags or shoes. Charles and Keith, DMK, Ice Lemon Tee, even Forever 21. Those are my favourite spots for shoes. Not only are they affordable, but they can really fit into any type of style, weather, and always in trend.
Maybe i'm just biased. All i'm saying is that, is it really worth it paying so much money for things that you can definitely find cheaper somewhere else, and probably with better quality?
Yah, i don't think so. Once again, it's just me. I'm not really into expensive things. Doesn't necessarily make me happy but i won't say no if someone offers to buy me a couple. Really though, if you all are thinking of getting me an expensive bag, or expensive pair of shoes, or expensive clothes, just don't. It's gonna be wasted with me, i wouldn't know how to appreciate it.

Rather spend on something more practical and tangible. Like i said before, watches, perfumes, jewelries and even technology. Books and DVDs are most welcomed too! Hehe *hint hint wink wink*

Nah, not difficult to make me happy, and you definitely don't need branded good to make me happy. *smiles*

Dougie'd

Sorry for the lack of content in the blog, will blog over the weekend.

In the meantime, enjoy! Hehe

I'm in Miami, bitch! Lol, jokes.

This song is stuck in my head for the past 3 days. No thanx to Linsy! Grrr

Enjoy! Haha

As cliche as it sounds.. i'm just me.

Again?

Tension headache, AGAIN.

I honestly don't know what i'm stressed with. Haha mhmmm *rolls eyes*

K Bye!

Hmm

I was really looking forward to December, but i guess it's not happening anymore. 
I am devastated but if this is for the best, then so be it. All i can do right now is be strong. 

Thank you for everything, Boo.

Arynne's more random updates

I know I've been slacking big time on the blog. Don't need to nudge me on MSN and ask me when I'm gonna blog again. I DON'T KNOW.

I haven't had any inspirations to blog lately, and when i do, it'll be too busy at work. Oh, they banned blogger website at work too, so i can't blog "whenever i feel like it" anymore.

I know right, how freaking lame. It's really becoming a battlefield in the office. Just a lot of paper work, emails, tax invoices, it's getting crazy. Especially when people keep giving you last minute work to finish. Yeah, nothing new, right?

So yeah basically Singapore have been a sauna centre the past few week or so. I know i blogged about the weather in my last update, but it's been super unbearable. It's getting hotter by the minute i think, and even when it rains, it gets hotter after that. 

Maybe Singapore should have a water parade and randomly splash or spray water on passerby. Hmm, not really a good idea since we're trying to save water to save Gaia. Of course, with the heat being the instigator for anger, we might have a lot of blood on the street if that happens. Believe me, most Singaporeans are not that fun when it comes to random water spraying.

Oh oh, WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!! Haha. No, i'm just playing.

So if you all have been following my Twitter, you all know that I've been using Doxycycline for my face. My skin, rather. It's been two weeks and i can really see the difference. It's still not perfect, but it's much better than it was 2 weeks ago. So yeah, i hope by a month time, it'll be much better than now. My next appointment with the skin centre, i shall try to ask Dr Foo about my acne scars. Oh please begone.

Last but not least. I miss Boo so so so much. It's true.

Arynne's random update.

Well, it's not really a random update if i planned to have an update, is it? Hmm, actually it's pretty random cause i was talking to Vallerie on MSN, and then i feel the sudden urge to blog. Though i am not sure about what, so i just think a short and simple update will do.

The weather have been really crazy the past few days, don't you think? It was raining everyday for the two weeks after i get back, and then suddenly, it became so humid. The humidity is killing me. 

I was in New Zealand for two weeks and the weather there was awesome. Sunshine but a lot of wind. It's beyond great. The thing is, when i got back in Singapore, i couldn't even stand the heat. Yeah, it's THAT much difference.

Anyways, been really busy with work lately with all the backlogs and the current workload. I am honestly gonna faint one day at work. Well, to be fair, i'm not the only busy one. Though it'll be nice not to have people shouting at your ear and breathing down your neck every single time you're trying to take a break.

Been having random headaches the past few weeks. I say random cause it just hits me without warning. Been having heart palpitations often too. Not to mention the queasy feeling in my stomach. It's just weird. I hate the feeling when everything just hits you at once. I should probably go to the doctor and get those things checked out but i don't see the point in checking. Haha, oh wells, we'll see what my nurse friends think.

So and yeah, I've been having weird food cravings lately. Last week, i had like cravings for cheese fries EVERYDAY. I ate two days in a row, and then i told Linsy not to let me buy anymore cheese fries. Well, I've actually been craving potato dishes, and not to mention that sweet roast lamb Mummy Boo did one dinner while i was there. I need the recipe!! Haha, it's THAT good. Honest, but too bad for my small stomach!

Anyhoo, haven't had enough sleep the past few days, and the heat made everything super annoying. Even the sound of my own voice. Haha, just kidding. Well one, stupid driver honked at me this morning. Where was i? At the freaking traffic light. I was walking while the green man was up. Isn't it logical? SUPER!! 

But nooooooo, this driver had to speed the corner and honk at me while i was walking through the traffic while the green man was still up. So being already annoyed by the heat and the lack of sleep, what did i do? Only the most reasonable thing ever! MIDDLE FINGER THE LIVING HELL OUT OF THE DRIVER! Haha, yeah. I bet he didn't have a good day the whole day today cause of that one middle finger. Bad karma follows. I hope he choke on a fish bone and die. 

Yeah, so, i thought of blogging about something, but i forgot what i wanna blog about. Unless you guys have something for me to blog about, i guess, you all have to wait for the next blog post! 

K, ABRUPT END!

Update..again.

Reasons for not blogging. 
1) Too tired.
2) Too busy.
3) Too lazy.
4) No gossips!

Hahaha, yeap, pretty much.

Been a week since i came back from New Zealand. Been raining uncontrollably in the evenings here. Hot in the morning, cold in the evening. I can't even sleep naked! Haha, kidding.

Life without Boo is a little hard, especially since we were getting along so well the two weeks i was there. It's okay, we're holding on and working hard to make it work even though it's much harder than we thought. 

Cam date as usual, work as usual. Life still have to go on in our parts of the world, but rest assured, we still have each other in our hearts. And mind.

I'll save up for December. July, well... still pending. I'll only come if Phillip comes to visit. That was the deal in the first place.

Miss you Boo, and still love ya too! *kisses and smooches*

P/S: Pat Bob for me *giggles*

Hmm

Might go back to New Zealand in December, what say you, Boo? *smiles*

...

What am i doing wrong, Boo?

Singapore-Auckland

So, i was back in Singapore last night. Had to sleep early cause we had a charity event organized by the company. So meh.

Can you all believe it? I'm already in Singapore. Two weeks gone so fast. I can still remember the first day i got to Auckland, walking through the arrival door.

My heart was beating so fast. Will he show up? Will he like me? Will he smile at me when he sees me? My stomach was turning. I was nervous to see him.

There he was. Didn't take long to spot him. Hehe, he didn't shave the morning he picked me up but he was very charming, I was on the phone trying to get a hold of Mummy but i gave up.

He walked slowly towards me. I though he was gonna help me with the luggage, but instead he gave me a huge hug in the middle of the arrival hall. 

I was already flustered from being in the baggage claim area, and i must have blushed when he hugged me. I smiled.

We proceeded to  the carpark. All the while he had his arms around my shoulder. It was nice, very nice. Once we were outside, we searched for his car. I was shivering like a little kitty. He kinda forgot where he parked his car. I didn't blame him though, i thought he was just nervous. Hehe. Luckily for us, he didn't take long.

He was VERY early. He reached the airport at 10:47am, he even had the ticket to prove it. And i didn't come out from the arrival hall at approximately 12:30pm.

Baby's car is pretty messy but i kinda got used to it when i was there. I even knew where everything was in the backseat or the floor! Hehe

Okay, this post is just to tell people how and what happened when Phil and i first met. I will try to blog about New Zealand if i want to. If not, then too bad!

Philly Boo,

I MISS YOU. Terribly.

Baby said he felt lost when i left and that he didn't know what else to do. He can't wait to go back to work and actually go out and do SOMETHING. 

I miss holding him. I miss staring at him. I don't know what he wants. He said he wanna be with the one he loves, and he loves me. He wanna be with me, but he's missing all the physical part of the relationship. The hugging, the kissing, the cuddling. I do too, i just don't know how to explain to him that i need him just as much as he needs me.

My heart hurts when i think about him, cause i miss him so much. I don't wanna cry about it all the time cause i had 2 wonderful weeks with him. And i know i should be grateful that i'm able to spend time with him and be a normal couple for once. It was so hard to let go cause i know what i'll be missing. 

He's an awesome boyfriend. He have his moments but most of the time, he's caring, attentive, affectionate and just very..... loving.

P/S: I wish you are doing fine now, Boo. 
P/P/S: We have to come up with a kind of compromise and see what we can do with our relationship, Boo. I don't want us to constantly feel insecure about each other and the relationship. It's damaging. And i love u, i don't want you to think otherwise. I'll wait for you if you want me to. I'll move if you want me to, but in the mean time, we have to think of a realistic plan and just hope it'll fall into place... faster, for our sake.

I think we have been constantly with each other for the past two weeks that the separation is taking its toll on us. Don't worry, Boo. We will make it somehow. Have a little faith.

Update.

Well, just to let you all know that i am not dead. 

If you all have been following me on Twitter, you all know that i am in New Zealand. Well, i'm going home in a couple of days cause i'm only here for two weeks, but it's okay.

It was a time well spent, especially with Baby around. 

I know i'm probably gonna bawl my eyes out when the day comes, but i'm gonna spend all the time i have left in New Zealand with Baby. If he wants. Haha

Just as long as he won't leave me alone in the kitchen again to watch Stargate. Growl.

Ahh, Stargate. I actually enjoyed that show. Might get the seasons on DVDs. Yes, i like it THAT much, Geeky, i know. Haha blame Phillip. He got me hooked.

Anyways, yeah, i'll be home in a couple of days so see you all then. Just wanted to let you all know that Phillip is not a serial killer (yet haha), and that i am still very much alive. 

AND WELL FED! Haha

P/S: If you all are nice (and i'm not lazy), i shall blog about the first time i met Phillip tomorrow. Muahaha.

So here i go...

Well, today's the day. The next time i blog, i am probably already in New Zealand. Unless they have WiFi on board then maybe. But maybe, i'll be too lazy or too scared to turn on my laptop.

I don't think planes even have WiFi. Wouldn't that clash with their radar machine? Haha, don't know, i am not from Aerospace Engineering.

So yeah, everyone's so excited for me. I am excited too, but i am more nervous. Probably about the flying and all the possibilities everyone put in my head. Yeah, i'm not even gonna try to think about those possibilities. Overall, i think i'm super nervous about the flying.

I love travelling but i hate flying. I don't feel secure when i get on a plane. It's just a stupid issue i have with myself. I have to feel secure, i have to have my two feet on the group. Without having the worries that i'm gonna crash and fall. You know what i mean?

Haha, yeah. So anyways, in a couple of hours, i have to get ready to go to the airport. Boarding time is around 8pm, and i have to be there 90mins early. So to be safe, i'd rather be there at 6pm.

It's a 10 hour flight, and i think i'm gonna have a huge panic attack in the plane. When that happens, who am i gonna call? Well, i suppose the air-stewardess are trained for these kinda situations? I hope.

Yeah so, hopefully Phil won't be late. I told him if he's late for 5 mins, i won't talk to him for 5 hours. But, i'd probably just gonna manage a smile cause i'm gonna be a grumpy ass bitch the first day. Yeah, i can try not to, i promise. Haha

Anyways, sweetheart skin decided to pop something out as a going away present from Singapore. Asshole. Haha, i have a stupid popper on my chin. Jeesh.

Linsy helped me pack last night, but i was feeling so nervous, so i repacked a little. I took out some things so i can fit my oversize towel in the luggage since my Nine West bag decided to play punk with me. Pfft

Yeah, so anyways, i am about to puke my guts out. I can't even eat, i think the nerves start to attack me TODAY. Haha

Abrupt end. BYE!

P/S: I notice, there are no colour on this post and the previous post. Only cause i'm bloody nervous. Haha

I'll be away, far far away.

Okay, so maybe in 20 hours time, i shall be up and away in a plane off to New Zealand.

People ask me if i was nervous. Quite honestly, i wasn't until today. The day of departure. I was actually pretty calm and not thinking about it too much. You know, the packing, the overloading of luggage and the amount of liquid i'm able to bring on board. All that shtuff.

Today was actually pretty intense. I couldn't eat. After i eat, i vomited out my contents and then, headaches. Really bad headache. Just hope i won't get sick this weekend. Eerghs!

But you know what, i think i was nervous in my own way. Cause i keep having break outs and my skin's all dry, and yeah, i didn't have enough appetite to eat or drink. Poor Phil! Haha, i told him if he sees an Asian girl with pretty bad skin, it;s probably me so he should come and say hi.

Yeah, i know, i tend to make jokes about my skin but i'm super insecure about it. OKay, enough about my skin.

I was actually telling Linsy how time flies so fast. It was just in February that i booked my ticket for New Zealand and then in a blink of an eye, it's TODAY. I was kinda like in a daze. Counting the days, but yet not being aware of how close it was gonna get.

Haha, oh wells, atleast i'm trying right?

So, anyways, my purpose to blogging today is to tell everyone that i'll be away for 2 weeks. From the 2nd to 16th April. I've emailed all the ones involved contact detals and yeah, that's basically it.

I'm done with packing, well the luggage anyways. Gonna pack my laptop and some other things tomorrow morning, then i'm all set.

I'll be bringing my laptop. So people i know with Skype, please add me. Skype name: ArynneVengeance

I shall try to tweet every second, like what my friends demanded. Try to blog once a day or something like that. No promises though. Haha and i'll try to REMEMBER to take pictures. I'll see you guys later!

I am gonna try to get some sleep. I'm having a huge headache and my ankle hurts. Toorah!

Still not feeling like P.Diddy

I have been sick for the past week. I haven't stopped sniffling or sneezing since Wednesday two weeks ago.


I really don't know what's going on with me, cause i don't usually get sick so easily. And even when i do, i'll be fine in 2 or 3 days after taking some pills. 

Now, not even flu pills work now.

I may be lacking some vital vitamins. I might be taking vitamin pills soon. Gah, it's so hard to go around becoming so sick easily. 

I have been sick like 3 times for this month alone. How ridiculous is that?

I need Vitamin K, cause i bruise easily. And i heal so slowly. I need Vitamin C, cause i keep falling sick. I need Omega 3, cause i get distracted oh-so-easily. I need Vitamin E so my skin will heal faster. 
See, i'm weak. Physically weak. Haha

Woke up in the morning, not feeling quite like P. Diddy,

Everyone knows how sensitive my skin is, and how dry it is 

I have been having break out for the last week and i have no idea what's causing it. Here's why.

I break out when the weather's humid. I break out when the weather's too cold. I break out when my face is dehydrated, and i break out when my skin is oily. I break out when i'm annoyed, or frustrated and stressed.

I can't freak out about my skin cause it'll make me break out even more.

Even not drinking enough water makes me break out. Or using the wrong facial products. See what i mean?

It's getting frustrating cause my skin heals really slowly and i'm breaking out like nobody's business. GAH.

You both can never be replaced.

Woke up pretty early today, cause Baby wanted to cam date when he came back from church. Yeap, 9am my time. I was a little over 8 mins late cause i was trying to think about what to write for dear daughter. It's okay though, i roughly know what to write about now. 

I must have been really excited. Oh and Baby, i'm still waiting for your letter. Hehe

Okay, so the letter from my dear daughter was written in her own mother tongue, so i don't really know what she really wrote. Maybe i should bring it to the office and make one of the Burmese people read it for me. But don't worry though, someone translated the letter in English, so i can read it. It'll be nice to know what she really wrote though.

I was actually having a really bad day at work that day, and i was sniffling like crazy. Baby came online and he cheered me up, so i forgot about everything that happened at work. At the end of the day, i was feeling a little bit uplifted. Though i was a little sad when Phil had to leave. Haha anyhoo, i got home, i opened my letter box and i saw World Vision Air Mail in there. I smiled, super widely. 

I honestly didn't think getting a letter would make me so happy. Beyond ecstatic. The first thing i did when i got home was tweet about the letter. Even changed the status on my Facebook, that's how contented i felt.

In the letter she said that she lives with her parents and two sister. She described her living conditions, what she likes to do. She told me about the different tribe in her country and she also told me that she wanted to be a teacher when she grows up. 

My heart just melted right there. I'm glad she have some big ambitions and i do hope that she's doing her best to achieve it. 

Oh and then when i turned the paper around, i saw what she drew for me. It was really nice to her to do something like that for me. I feel like a proud mother. Hehe, i know i know, i'm exaggerating.

I'm just really glad i went through with the child sponsorship. Thanx Baby for supporting my decision and Rin, for urging me on! You both rocks!
Anyways, i know Baby isn't at all threatened by the dear daughter's presence in my life, and i really appreciate him being so understanding. Either way, just to reassure Baby that dear daughter will never replace him cause both of them make me so happy, in their own different ways.

I am by far, the luckiest girl alive and for that, i am thankful. *smiles*